It’s funny how I told myself a million times “I won’t catch feelings,” “it’s just sex,” “he’s not the relationship type” and yet, here I am, head over heels for a guy I knew I had no business falling for.
Honestly, I don’t blame you, not even a little bit. You were straight up with me the entire time. You were considerate of my feelings actually and said if I couldn’t handle keeping my emotions out of it, you wouldn’t do anything with me, we’d strictly be friends.
But I swore to you I’d be more than okay with that.
So I guess I sort of did it to myself, because here I sit, feelings galore! What the actual fuck was I thinking?
Even when I was honest with you and told you I had them, you, again, put my feelings into consideration and asked if I wanted to stop. And I respectfully declined thinking I could get my act together.
Why would I even kid myself like that?
Really, I was just setting myself up for failure.
What broke my heart even more, which you probably don’t even realize, was watching you get your heart broken by another girl.
Your world came crashing down that day when you found out her dirty little secret and how much of a shitty person she was.
What did I do? I raced to you. I wanted to comfort you about another girl, to sleep in your bed, which obviously ended up in sex.
My heart literally sank to the ground that night. You were so broken hearted about another girl and there I was, seeing you at your most vulnerable and I get the label, fuck buddy.
Why couldn’t I be the girl you wanted? What was it about her that you loved so much and deemed me as unworthy? Am I really that pathetic?
I don't know what to think about our label anymore because quite frankly my heart can't handle it. You are heartbroken about another girl but not even seeing my heart break right in front of you. The irony.
I’m trying to understand how I have so many feelings for you but you just don't seem to care…
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