There was a point in my life where, no matter what, I couldn't let you go. It didn't matter what you did or said, I stayed. I always knew it wasn't what was best for me, but that wasn't enough for me to leave.
I stayed through it all, waiting around for your every text, fearing the day you'd leave and never come back. I needed you to love me because I couldn’t love myself.
I knew you would be there every time I needed you, so I stopped relying on myself.
I started to rely on you for every little thing. I hated myself from head to toe, inside and out. I never gave myself the opportunity to fall in love with me.
I'm thankful for our every phone call that started with me in tears and ended with us laughing. I'm grateful for the hundreds of paragraph long texts you sent me trying to make everything okay.
For a while, you really did make everything okay.
But that was temporary. Next thing I knew, you were gone and I lost myself. I was left broken in every way. It hurt so badly because I wanted you to love me. I needed you to love me….because I couldn’t love myself. I wanted you to stay because no one ever has.
I needed you to believe in me because I couldn’t believe in myself.
Now, I've finally fallen back in love with myself. I love myself more than you ever could have. I have found ways of coping so that I don't need to rely on you. I find happiness within myself instead of looking to you to make me happy. I am more confident than I have ever been.
Now, I can finally rely on myself for the strength and courage I need.
Going into future relationships, I will always put my happiness first. I'll be sure to make sure I can be the source of my own happiness. I will keep my confidence and never let anyone take it away.
I apologize for every late night phone call and being needy for reassurance from you. I will forever be thankful I had you to stand with me when I could not stand on my own. But now…
I will stand on my own before I lean on someone else.