Can we just talk? Are you losing as much sleep as I am? Or are you fine?
I wish that there wasn’t this silent war between us, but I guess I didn’t know you as well as I thought I did. Going this long without talking to you is killing me, I don’t know if there’s hope for us but each day I pray that our paths will cross again, even for just a moment.
I can’t help but automatically assume the worst, but there’s an ounce of my heart that truly and completely believes this isn’t the end. But now I don’t even know if you feel the same way about me as I do about you. I can’t tell if your heart is aching like mine or if you’re roaming around completely fine… and there are days I can’t think about anything except that.
Maybe we’re both moving on and it just doesn’t feel like it yet. And I know eventually my heart will stop mentioning your name and seeing you on social media won’t break me all over again, but it feels like that day is never going to come.
I just hope you’re as shattered as I am. I hope that when you wake up in the mornings I’m the first thing you think about because it is absolute torture to think about you every single fucking day.
But it’s irrelevant now. At the end of the day, it comes down to the fact that you weren’t trying when we were together so the odds you all of a sudden start trying now that you’ve lost me are so low. I was the only one putting effort, I was the glue that held the shattered pieces of us together but I couldn’t do it anymore.
I gave up because I couldn’t be strong for the both of us anymore. I needed you to be strong for me, for yourself, but you weren’t capable of that.
It felt like the moment I gave up, you were already halfway out the door.
So I guess the most important thing is that it doesn’t matter what I wish or what part of me wants because maybe you made your choice a long time ago. I was just stringing along a hollow relationship that I called a bond.
Maybe I tried too hard. Maybe you didn’t try hard enough. But I once told you that I was walking away you gave me nothing. No explanation, no complaints, just alienation.
Just know all I wanted was to see you happy and be the one to make you happy. But clearly, I wasn’t good enough for you to be that person. Maybe one day you will see that you were at fault too, but until then and maybe until forever, we’ll part ways. Perhaps to never meet again.
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