You were perfectly what I wanted and more. You treated me well and kind…but you were never fully mine.
You were the one I couldn’t quite explain to others. You were what you were and nothing more.
And because of that, you'll forever be my one that got away.
I sometimes wish I hadn’t of met you because now I can’t get you off my heart. And the truth is, you'll never be mine so I just have to get used to that.
But honestly, I wish we hadn’t met yet. Because maybe if we had met later in life, things would be different. Things would have been better. Things would have gone the way my heart begged it to go.
But that didn’t happen.
Instead, I feel for a guy who had too much to deal with than being in a full blown relationship with me. I fell for a guy I had more in common with than I’ve ever had with any guy before – and even after.
I fell for someone who showed me parts of myself I didn’t know.
You showed me what it was like to instantly connect to a soul – as if we had met before. You showed me strength within me I had never known how to access.
So why would I run in the opposite direction of that? Because now I have weak moments.
I have moments when you are on my mind so much I constantly text my friends trying to wrap my mind around it – sounding ridiculous and probably a little bit crazy.
I have moments when I want nothing more than to be next to you and will do anything to get your attention.
I have bursts of weakness because you showed me my strength. But with that strength comes deeper weakness.
And I don’t like it. I don’t like bringing you up in conversation after telling myself, begging myself I wouldn’t. I don’t like embarrassing myself in front of others or worse in front of you – because of you and my nervousness I still have when I’m around you.
I don’t like putting my over thinking mind in situations where dwelling is going to happen.
I would run the other direction because it wasn’t fair to my heart for me to get hurt by someone who wasn’t ready for me. It wasn’t fair to show it all the possibilities just to have it all yanked away months down the road.
If I could, I’d go back and say I wasn’t strong enough to have the type of relationship we did. The grey area between just friends and dating. I’d end everything before it had even started.
I’d learn about you just as a friend – nothing more, nothing less. Because maybe then it would have worked out.
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