When a girl is mad, there are certain things you should NEVER say if you value your life AT ALL.
1. “I don’t understand why you’re even mad.”
Even if you really don’t know at the moment, saying that is just going to make things worse. A lot worse…
2. “You just need to calm down.”
DO NOT tell me to calm down dude. Like I was calming down, but now? I’m going to be salty an extra 30 minutes…you’re welcome.
3. “You’re so cute when you’re mad.”
Cute? I’ll show you how fucking cute I can be.
4. “I didn’t think you’d get that pissed off…”
Key word, that mad. You knew damn well I’d get mad, you were just hoping I wouldn’t find out.
5. “I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d get angry.”
Okay Pinocchio, so instead of just telling me, you lie about it. Good talk.
6. “You’re acting crazy.”
Crazy? You haven’t seen crazy dude. Go watch Snapped. I look like a saint compared to those bitches.
7. “Why are you yelling?”
This is not me yelling. But I can show you what yelling sounds like. Try me.
8. “You’re being a bitch.”
If we’re stating the facts now…you’re being a disrespectful douche canoe.
9. “What do you mean?”
What the actual fuck do you mean? Can you not hear? I just explained things clearly. I guess I’ll get you Hooked On Phonics for your birthday.
10. “This is your fault.”
Yeah clearly. You being a douche is totally my fault. Playing the blame game isn’t going to get us anywhere.
11. “Why are we even talking about this?”
Um because we’re supposed to be adults? Because communication is key? My bad, I forgot you still act like a child.
12. “Are you on your period?”
Stop assuming that just because I’m mad, I must be on my period, or next time I see you asleep, I will ‘just assume’ you are dead and bury you in the backyard.
13. “You have issues.”
Thank you Captain Obvious. We all do. You deserve a gold star for your keen observations.
14. “Will you just chill/relax?”
Yeah, let me just go all Prince Of Bel-Air and start chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool. NOT.
15. “Well my mom said she thinks…”
Dude, why did you bring your mom into this? Do you really have to run to mommy about EVERYTHING?
16. “I love you.”
DO NOT use these words as a cop out during a fight.
17. “Can we talk about it later?”
No. No we fucking cannot talk about this later. Let’s act like grown ups.
18. “I’m sorry, you’re right. There, are you happy now?”
Really? Happy? Yeah happier than a fucking unchaperoned five year old at a birthday party. You’re only patronizing me. Don’t say it just to get me to shut up.
19. “I mean, I don’t know what to say or what you want from me.”
I want you to be honest. Stop acting clueless. Start listening and communicating.
20. “I don’t care.”
The worst thing to say ever. If you don’t care about me or my feelings, then move the fuck on.
21. “Whatever, it’s fine.”
Stop acting like a girl. I’m not fine. You’re not fine. This is obviously not fine. So pretending it is just to not look weak. And don’t tell me, “If that’s how you feel or want.” Don’t turn this around on me like it’s all my fault.
22. “You always get mad over nothing.”
You think it’s nothing, but if it bothers me, then it’s something. Don’t tell me I’m being ridiculous. Stop acting like my feelings aren’t validated.
23. “Wanna take out that anger in the bedroom?”
ARE YOU SERIOUS? How about you learn how to suck your own dick. Bye.
