We’re taught that love was always supposed to be supportive, full of love and light to fill one another. To never bring the other person down. Especially since the true concept of love is two beings brought together to lift the other up. Unfortunately for me, my ex-got me fooled, so take it from me, If the guy you’re dating makes you feel insecure, let him go.
In the beginning, we were magic, he was sweet and charming. He always made me feel beautiful and helped me be more comfortable in my skin. Being the best partner that I could be, I did the best to be the same for him. Making sure he felt confident and strong with my words. Loved with my actions. Supported with my encouragement.
But somewhere between perfect, things started to change. It was as if he had a switch on him that turned back off, and the comments turned ugly. Like he was giving enough love to hook me in, then turned it right off once I fell.
My flaws that he once praised, were no longer good enough. I would wear something just to capture the attention I once had with him. The attention he once gave willingly.
He didn’t like how he looked, so he made sure I never smiled about myself either. If I would just wish for a, “You look so pretty” or a, “I love that dress on you”, he would somehow turn it around to act as if I was needy. Like a girlfriend shouldn’t need to feel beautiful especially by the person who has her eye.
He was the needy one. I would never want to be the partner who isn’t there to make him feel better. We all deserved to feel loved and be told how great we are.
Before we met, I had my own insecurities already. Believe me being a plus size girl is not easy in society nowadays. Let alone, trying to find love as a plus sized girl. I thought I found that with him when he first celebrated who I was and my body. But instead, I was an easy target to put his own insecurities on. Because I was confident in me, why should I stay that way around him right? If he wasn’t confident, neither should I.
One thing he never took into account, however, was that although I was insecure before him, I also dealt with them unlike him. I know who I am and what I bring. I know the flaws that others might perceive and in the past, used to try and bring me down with. But I am far from the girl I was back then. The shy insecure girl who used to hide from the world.
He might have tried to bring her back out, but the only thing he did, made me stronger. I might have started to re-notice all my insecurities thanks to his negativity, but I am working on them again along with myself.
I am taking the journey to a happier me. I am relearning what I love about myself that he thought was wrong. The only thing I will ever thank him for is reminding me that the best love I can have, is the love that I can give myself.
I have no ill will towards him. No matter what hate he tried to put on me and called it love. But as for me, I will stay single until I find a love that matches my own towards myself.
A loving relationship and a true partnership that stands together instead of against. Because life's too short to be insecure and even shorter to spend it around people who make you that way.