You weren’t only my boyfriend, but my best friend. Everyone glorifies that, but they rarely mention the way that losing two people in one crushes your very soul.
I know how much hurt you felt when I left, how painful it was to watch me go, because it hurt me too. At the time I thought I was making the best decision for me, for us, and, most importantly, for you.
Which turned out to be singlehandedly one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made.
You’ve been broken and I can still see the scars when I’m laying down next to you. I can see the grief that still lives in your eyes when you look at me.
I caused this. I burned you, I shattered your faith in love, and now I’m going to do everything I possibly can to heal you. It’s truly the least I could do.
I’m still in this. I’m in this so much that it hurts. It’s painful to talk about, to even think about all the wrongs I’ve done to you, but I’m willing to deal with all of that if it means that I get to have you.
There truly is nothing more heartbreaking than throwing away love before you’ve even realized you have it right in front of you. That’s where I am; here, right in front of you, trying to convince you that I deserve a second chance.
I understand your worries, but I can assure you I’m not going to disappear again when you least expect it.
I want you to know, I need you to know, that this is not some game to me.
I’ve always been good at goodbyes, but this is different. You’re different. I’m staying, I’m fighting, and I’m going to be there when you need me, every step of the way.
Trust me, I know you’re scared. I’m scared too.
I know that this big, huge, endless thing terrifies you. Just say the words and I’ll step back and let you find someone else to take my place, though I think you’ll find yourself looking for me in everyone else.
I know you think we’ve given this our best shot and that this time might not be any different, and maybe you’re right. It’s not going to be easy, nor is it going to be perfect, but I know in my heart that is that it’s going to be worth it.
So here I am, standing right in front of you, telling you that I’m right here. That I don’t want to mess this up. That I want to try.
I’ll give you all the time you need to think about your life with and without me.
Just know that now that I’ve lost you once, I’ll never make the mistake of letting you go again.
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