Even after everything that happened, I still can't seem to get you out of my head.
I'm okay during the day, as long as I keep myself busy, but night time… that's a different story.
The second that all of the chaos of my day settles down, and my head hits my pillow, you're all I see.
You're all I can think about.
It's been months and I know it shouldn't be this way. We don't even talk to each other anymore… but here you are, still living in my thoughts.
Nobody understands how much I miss you. No one even knows, honestly. Why would I tell them?
You were awful to me. You broke my heart into a million pieces. They would never get it… I don't even get it myself.
I don't think about how things ended, though.
I think about how we used to be, about who I thought you were.
All the things we used to do together, the road trips we'd take.
I think about how you used to make me laugh so hard I could barely catch my breath, and about our hundreds of inside jokes that no one else could ever comprehend.
I think about the way you used to roll over in your sleep and kiss me, and how I'd wake up the next morning still holding your hand.
For the first time in my life, I felt understood and loved. I was so lucky to have such an amazing connection with someone.
Then, I think about how it was all ripped away from me.
I think about how I'll never have anything like that again, how I'll never have you again.
I think about how sad it is that you were such a huge part of me and then all of a sudden, one day, you were just gone.
I can't stop missing you.
Then I think about how fucking pathetic it is because I know for a fact that you don't miss me.
I know that I'm chasing my own thoughts in circles while you're sound asleep.
I probably never even cross your mind.
You were the one who walked away from this anyway. You were the one who caused me to hurt like this.
You were the one who gave up on us.
And that's when I realize… I'd rather miss the person I thought you were than be with someone that is less than what I deserve.
I'd really just rather miss you.