I know that life gets busy. I know that we’re always trying to make things work, even when we know that they just don’t fit. But it’s a little different when you want something you know you won’t ever be able to fully have. That’s what’s happening with us.
I know that we care about one another. I know that you’re good, that your intentions are never bad and that someday, you’ll be able to love the way that I love you…without holding anything back.
But I’m tired. I’m tired of always feeling left out.
Of you making plans and then never coming through. I’m tired of always coming out of things empty handed. I’m tired of giving you my heart and while you hold yours just out of reach.
Even though I know you’re not trying to hurt me, the things that you’re doing, everything that you’re making me go through right now…it’s killing me. It’s making me lose my mind.
It’s one thing to feel alone when you are alone, but it’s another to feel alone while someone is right there holding your hand. Feeling alone is far worse when you’re supposed to have someone right beside you…when you do have someone right beside you, but they feel so far away.
I shouldn’t have to fight this hard for your heart.
You’re starting to cover me with scars that I did nothing to earn. You’re starting to make me feel like I did a long time ago: Unworthy. No one should have to feel like that, especially with the person that’s supposed to be their rock…with the person that’s supposed to be their forever.
I don’t blame you for any of this. I know that you aren’t being unkind on purpose. But the guy I thought you were when we first met, I can’t find him anymore. I don’t know where he went. And more importantly, I can’t wait for him.
Because I took a long time to build this…my life, my heart, who I am, and who I’m still becoming. You’re taking that and breaking it down with every mistake that you make. With every letdown and every disappointment, I’m starting to lose myself a little in the way that I care about you. And I can’t let that happen.
So please, just let me go now — let’s just end this before it gets worse.
Let’s end it before you break my heart just a little more. I can already feel the pieces starting to crack. Call it bad timing, or lapse of judgment, but I really did see all the good in you, even if you couldn’t see it in yourself.
I know that you never meant for any of this to happen, to make me feel like I have to fight for you to love me. Like I have to scream for you to take notice of me or to know that I was even there at all. So I couldn’t possibly be angry with you.
I’m hurt and I can’t possibly take it anymore. So, I’m giving up on you.
I don’t know where exactly it went wrong or why, but I do know that whatever I thought this was going to be, it’s just not anymore. I know now that no matter how much I wanted you, I can’t anymore. It feels like I’m drowning.
I don’t want to end up hating you, so I’m going to leave you with this: I could’ve loved you. More than I think you’ll ever know. But I love myself more.
This weight that I’ve been carrying around? I shouldn’t have to bear it. Just know that I hope you find everything you’re looking for, even if you couldn’t find it in me.