The early texting stage is one of the most effortlessly sexy and exciting stages in a new relationship.
You're attracted to them, and they are taking time out of their day to message you; to find out what you're doing or to send you a funny meme, with a couple of flirty messages sent in between.
It's exciting, you smile in public and blush while telling your friends. You give him his own text-tone so you know if the text you receive during dinner is worth reading.
You have someone to go on cute coffee dates with, someone to watch Westworld with, someone to tell you good-night and good-morning.
You're only human. Wanting someone to be affectionate and romantic with is completely normal, but the difference between this and a normal relationship is, well, a lot.
For one, obligation. When in a relationship there can be an obligation to spend a certain amount of time with your significant other.
You might feel obligated to start telling your friends no more, and this guy yes more.
You'll feel obligated to not talk to guys even if your both just being friendly. You can feel an obligation to check in with him, see how he's doing.
Then you feel more like his parole officer than his hot girlfriend.
I'm not saying that relationships are bad and a chore, but when you're not looking for one, and you don't want one, they can certainly feel that way.
Another difference between the romantic fling and the relationship is exclusivity; which on the surface sounds great. You have this person who has chosen to have sex with you and only you.
HOWEVER, now you have to stress about what he's doing when you're not around and you develop jealous feelings that you didn't have before.
You are suddenly a monster and you don't recognize yourself.
I'm not saying that all relationships are filled with jealous monsters who don't trust each other, but when you're weary of relationships and you find yourself in one, this can happen.
Additionally, a difference between your text/makeout/sleepover buddy and your boyfriend is your bf eventually meets your friends and your parents and has to be integrated into your life.
Now, this may sound great to girls who are actively looking for nice guys, but for girls who just want a cool guy to hangout/make-out with, that's a little much and extremely scary.
Ahh, real intimacy!
So, there's a huge difference to those of us who love guys and romance, but cannot commit to a healthy relationship at this time.
This leaves us hurting nice's guy's feelings and/or ending up with douchebags who stopped texting back when he has a sinking fear you're "getting too close". Although we can't blame him too much, because we do the same thing.
So are we royally f*cked forever in the world of love, dating, marriage, kids, and a nice house in upstate New York? Not necessarily.
I think we just need to reevaluate. So we're not ready for relationships? That's perfectly fine, but since we do want at least half of what comes with a relationship, we should look further into the reasons why we oppose them and try to change our own minds.
We could be scared or stubborn or both, and that's ok for now, but not forever.
I would say the first step is to not think of relationships as a trap. Second, give the good, nice guys a chance. Third, allow yourself to be happy.