I know that you feel like you failed. Somewhere along this road we took together, you have allowed the thought to enter your mind that you just must have done something wrong, you must have failed me, you must have not tried hard enough to make sure I had everything I could ever want.
I am here to tell you that you are so wrong, daddy.
Because, somewhere along the road I have chosen for myself, I still find myself wondering if I am going to end up disappointing you, I find myself wondering if I am going to make too many mistakes and you end up just throwing your hands up completely. I find myself thinking that maybe I might be the one to end up failing you.
But, If you are a failure, then I know that I am a disappointment.
If you failed, then I must have been doing something wrong to make you feel that way. If you feel like you failed me, then somehow I took a wrong turn, getting lost in an abyss of my own selfishness and you decided that I was not who you wanted me to grow up to be.
But, I do want to tell you this…
I am not going to be perfect, there will be days I disappoint you, days where I end up at a dead end.. Those are the days where your phone will ring and I will be asking you where to go, with tears running down my face, ashamed that I may have actually disappointed you.
I actually get that fear quite often. There have been times that I laid in bed, completely absorbed in the past, in memories where I disappointed you, wondering how we both got through it stronger than we were before. That is not exactly a place I hope to end up again.
But, there is no denying that it will happen. There is no denying that one day, I will disappoint you again. Whether it being because I lost a good job, or I end up making mistakes, or anything, it will happen.
In those moments I can only hope for your forgiveness. At those times, I can only hope that you can laugh and say, “She is just as stubborn as me at her age.”
Right now, my dreams are leading me on a journey that is 1,800 miles away from you, halfway across the country so I can find myself, and find inspiration to help me blossom.. For an opportunity to be able to come home with stories to tell and pictures to share through out my journey.
Daddy, You have raised a woman who finally decided to go after her dreams in a world that she never thought that she would be able to conquer. Allow me to fly, and I promise I will always return home.
You raised a warrior and you are still her hero.
“The world is your oyster, now show it you are the pearl” ~Hales Danii
