I know that true love is a blessing, a gift, I'm just wondering when my turn is?
I don’t mean that in the sense that I'm guaranteed a life with my soulmate, I know that’s not something that you can earn by being a good person.
Yes, I’ve been in love. I know what it is to give everything you have to someone, to want to stand with that person through the wonderful moments and the hard ones.
I've sacrificed time, energy, pride, and so much more for someone who said they would do the same for me. I know what love is.
What I don’t know is what it’s like to be loved in return. That person who was supposed to return all those things to me in equal measure never did.
His supposed love wasn’t real; it was selfish and fickle and in the end, it destroyed my heart. That isn’t love.
I’ve dated so many just to continually find endings where beginnings should be.
I’ve had my hopes and my heart destroyed so many times, it’s getting harder and harder to keep getting back up again after it’s over.
I’m starting to lose faith, I just don’t know if it’s faith in myself, in others, or in the idea of love.
So some days, when I see no point in trying anymore, I have to let myself break down. I have to be selfish and simply ask, “When is it my turn?”
By this, I don’t mean my turn to have someone, to be in a relationship, to get engaged or married. I simply mean, "when is it my turn to be loved?"
I don’t know. Maybe there’s still too much work for me to do on myself. Maybe wherever my person is, he isn’t ready for me just yet.
Maybe there are a thousand other contingencies that have to line up before I get my chance. Maybe I just have to be patient.
On the other hand, maybe I’ll never get my chance. Maybe that’s just not in the cards, and that’s ok.
Until the day I find that to be true, though, I’ll keep waiting and asking with hope, "when is it my turn?"