I know its time to walk away. I have felt the same nagging, pulling, sickening feeling deep down since we began. Those red flags flew high and I ignored them then, just as I’m doing now.
Because here we are years later and I’m looking at myself in the bathroom mirror asking the same damn thing… “Why did I stay?”
All these questions swirling around, wreaking havoc, begging for answers.
How did you manage to turn this once so confident and free girl and turn her into someone who is insecure and needs constant reassurance? Somehow, I’m someone that I don’t even recognize anymore.
How can you say such hurtful things to someone you love? How can you watch me cry my eyes out over something you’ve done and not even offer me a tissue let alone an apology?
And why when you finally do apologize, do you end up doing the same thing the next day?
I guess I’ll never know.
So I return to that first question, the one I asked myself, the only one I can actually answer.
Why did I stay? Because I love you.
I love you for the moments of joy that we have singing in the car, for when you make me feel pretty and hold me in your arms, for all these little moments that I hold onto to get me through the storm that you are.
I know I should let you go. But what if I miss out on those moments?