You went through your divorce. May have been a mutual agreement or unwanted, regardless, you’re raising kid (kids) now by yourself. Now you’re stereotyped as “the single mother.” Now what?
An astonishing 50% of marriages in the United States end within the first 3 years. A divorce happens merely every 36 seconds, 2,400 per day, 16,800 per week, and 876,000 per year. Do you know what that means? It means you’re NOT alone!
Many mothers become depressed, overwhelmed and become too hard on themselves but, there is hope! It’s all about perspective. As a single mother, I understand all too well. Having gone through the emotional rollercoaster of divorce all the while trying to maintain composer and control in front of my children (2 kids) I can honestly say, it wasn’t easy but, the happiness I exhilarate now has made a happy and healthy home for my children. Heres what I found certainly helped the process.
Find a hobby:
Many of us has devoted so much of our time to our marriage that, we somewhat lost ourselves in the process. Finding a good, positive hobby is a start. Aiming whatever negative energy you may be feeling towards this new hobby is perfect for developing confidence and feeling control of your life. Many women start working out, some start a side business, get involved in dancing and some, take up reading or drawing. Whatever it be, make sure it’s a positive outlook and it’s something you’re doing for YOU!
Put your happiness first:
You’ve heard the saying “if mother isn’t happy, no one is.” I grew up hearing that and thinking “that sounds so selfish,” but now? Oh I think it’s on point! Us mothers are givers! We nurse, provide, love, nurture, cook, clean. We constantly give from our unconditional love nature that we forget about ourselves. A spa day, a quiet time reading a book before bed or just simply, painting your nails. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself. I simply say this, “if mother is happy and confident, she’s a better mother, daughter and friend.” If your happy, that will seep through your everyday life.
When your ready, date:
The dreaded “dating scene.” Don’t be afraid to date, socialize and meet men. You will have your bad dates, your good and then your GREAT but, make sure you’re truly ready. When we become a single mother, we have our guard up even higher than before (for good reason) but that doesn’t mean mother can’t be whined and dined once in awhile. You deserve a good conversation with a man over a nice dinner, who knows where it will go.
Laugh, a lot!
Nothing brings more happiness in your new household than laughing. Your children are happy when you’re happy. I remember laying in bed with my children watching funny videos and being goofy along with it. Later on, my son tells me as he giggles, “I love seeing you laugh mommy.” Be goofy with your children, dance while you clean, run around like a craze ball.You’ll end up setting the environment in YOUR home that will be healthy, comfortable and warm for your children and yourself.
Talk to your children:
Taking a parenting class was the BEST thing I could have done. I realized children, especially at a young age, absorb things differently than we do. Anytime we talk badly about the other parent, children seem to reflect that upon themselves. The other parent is apart of them! When I realized that i changed things in my household. I would say “you look like your daddy, so handsome” or “you laugh silly just like daddy.” I realized I’d rather have my children be confident in the world rather than self conscious. Talking badly about the other parent in front of your children will make them insecure, depressed and are more likely to turn rebellious when they’re older. I don’t want that and if you’re reading this, I’m sure you don’t as well. Talk to them. Ask them how they are feeling. Hug, kiss, love and support their feelings. It’ll pay off.
Find friendship:
I have connect with SO many amazing women who had went through just as I did! They became my backbone through my divorce and still continue to be my light while creating this new life. Make time for a girls brunch or a simple phone call. A great, healthy support system can change your perspective, build confidence and decrease depression.
This new life is what YOU make it. Your environment in your household is what you make it. Your happiness is there if you seek it.
You’re a strong, single mother and again, you’re not alone. Put back any fears and begin to take control of your life!
A proud mother….
Tacy Kelly
