I'm done with dating

My dating adventures have been long and well documented.  Mainly by me on blogs and at dinner parties when coupled friends ooh and ahh at my hilarious stories of singledom.  Some were jealous.  Most felt sad for me.  Hang in there, they said, you’ll meet someone when the time is right.  Blah, blah, blah.

I haven’t and I didn’t and I probably won’t so stop it.  Stop saying shit that’s not true.  It’s like encouraging someone to keep buying lotto tickets … just in case their numbers come up.  Save your money and spend it on something that makes you happy.  It’s time for me to do the same with my time and energy.    

Sometimes my dating was arduous, but it was mostly fun.  Heartbreaking now and again.  A great content creator to hide the way it sometimes felt.  Degrading.  Painful.  An emotional roller coaster.  If you’ve ever dated for a long period of time you know what I’m talking about.  It can lift you up … but it can also tear you down.  It’s time for me to hang up my hopes of finding a cool guy to hang out with.  I am saying goodbye to dating.

Sipping a latte in an uber cool café recently I looked around at a bunch of bored looking couples and had an epiphany. I realised that I don’t actually need a cool guy to fill my void – because I don’t have a void.  I have a life filled with more than most people have and really, do I want to spend Sunday mornings at my favourite brunch place ignoring the guy sitting in front of me?  No thanks.  I feel good about exorcising my romantic gene.  No more eHam.  No more set ups from friends. (Not that any of you tried – thanks for nothing).  No more nagging thoughts about men and being in a relationship.  I’m done with this journey.

And let’s remember, it was always a journey and never a destination.  Right?

As I pack up my dating portfolio, I wanted to highlight a few of the men I’ve encountered over the past year … and most importantly what they’ve taught me.  I often look for the lesson in things.  Right now, I’m still not sure what I should have learned along the way, but here goes. 

The Cyclist:  Thank you for reminding me that friends should always come before dumb boys with thick accents, no matter how cute they are.  Three bottles of pinot and a hot pash does not excuse my bad manners of being drunk at dinner with my BFF. Too drunk to eat that awesome seafood chowder.  Also, why did you never call me again?  I’m good at Long Distance, remember?

Insurance Man:  Thank you for confirming my belief on always being nice to people because you never know what challenges they are facing.  I understand you didn’t mean to constantly look at my online profile but not get in touch again after our first, supposedly awesome, date. Please don’t do that, it’s confusing.  Also, I’m sorry you have prostate cancer and have been busy with treatments.  I hope you feel better soon and the doctor has helped you with that medical hard on issue you described in your text message. 

Celebrity Chef:  Thank you for being cute, with gorgeous eyes and a brilliant smile. A boy that I could easily add to my “Amazing male friends in my life” collection. If you wanted me to. I like that we had fun, interactive and engaging text conversations and that you admitted I’m really funny. Funnier than you. Your lessons in emojis changed my world and I will forever love that I got to send you that little pooh smiley face emoticon and you thought it was cool.  Make sure you send me shots of bad eHam matches now and again so I can feel good about myself.

The Sailor:  Thank you for tricking me into believing I really could have another long distance non relationship. Let’s be honest, we’re not George Clooney and that chick acting out that movie Up in the Air.  You made me fall in love with sailing, dark chocolate and fluffy bathrobes which made me really happy for a while …  but I think I saw something you didn’t.  Also, no one, not even my Nanna who doesn’t own a mobile phone, thinks it’s acceptable to text someone back three days later.  No one.  I will miss our dates, but I won’t miss the angst of not hearing from you for weeks on end.  Such a shame as I really liked you. 

The Food Scientist:  Thank you for being the one that finally let me see dating for what it is.  A handful of unicorn fairy dust where you think all your dreams will come true … and for three hours you really believe that … until it’s time to say goodbye and it becomes blatantly obvious that you’re never going to see each other again.  Our date was fun and I loved asking you 397 questions while you asked me nothing about my life.  (It’s okay, this is what 97% of men do on dates). I learnt a lot about free range chickens so not all is lost.  It’s just going to be hard to hang out in the egg section of my local supermarket ever again.  And you had such gorgeous blue eyes and loved espresso martinis.  Damn it!

It’s been fun.  Sort of.   I’m just done.   I need to focus on the amazing things I have in my life, not the tiny little thing I don’t.

Please ignore the sweet bitterness in my tone.  I’m just adding a little bit of drama like the closing scenes of a bad soap opera.  I’m grateful that I’ve had so many adventures.  I’m not sure what I’m going to write / talk / whinge about now … but I’ll find something. A new hobby.  Sailing for one, perhaps?