You and I both know it’s been a pill of a year for me.
I’d be lying if I said that I took the year’s events in stride, and besides you wouldn’t believe me if I tried telling you so. We’ve both seen the toll these past several months have taken on me. There’s no denying the emotional journey I’ve been on.
It was a lot.
If I’m being completely honest, I sort of turned myself off there. Instead of dealing with my problems head on, I tucked myself in a safe place deep, down inside until the worst of it was over—until I was better equipped to handle the problems ahead of me. You could say I was in hibernation—just asleep for a little while.
It was how I survived.
…Well, I’ve woken back up.
If you asked me now how I was doing today, I’d say I was “alright,” and as far as I’m concerned, “alright” is a hell of a lot better than, “I’m fine.”
It’s a massive improvement—I’m a lot better now from what I had been.
This isn’t to say that I’m 100 percent better though. I’m still working on it. However, I am ready to deal with it the things I’ve avoided for so long—deal with the aftermath of the year’s events—deal with my emotions.
I’m now ready to peek out from the hiding place I’ve kept myself in for so long and show a little face—ready to come out.
I know you’re relieved. I can see it written all over your face.
Each time I laugh, each time I share a story or share a smile, I can see the worry crease off of the top of your forehead. You were worried I’d be like this forever.
You’ve never been so happy to find out that you were wrong.
I want to tell you not to worry anymore. I’m through the worst of it now, and life can only get better from here. At this stage, I can assure you that everything will be alright, so there’s really no reason for you to lose sleep—not anymore.
I have the strength to take care of myself. I have the courage. I want you to know that.
I know you didn’t think I’d pull through, but I always knew I would. It just took some time is all, but I know myself well enough to know I’ll always come back somehow.
I can promise you that.
From now on though, in the immediate future, I still won’t be perfect. I’ll still have lapses of doubt, and I’ll still have moments of pain. I will cry. I will falter. I will struggle.
Just know that whatever the coming weeks bring that I will do whatever it is that needs to be done to get myself better. It won’t happen overnight, but each day laughing will get easier, story-telling will get easier, loving will get easier, and living will get easier.
I’ll come back.
You’ll see I’m through the worst of it now, so you can stop worrying your pretty little head about it because I am almost 100% better.
For more of Brittany Bandana’s writing, follow her on her Facebook page.
