I’m happy you’ve moved on from me. Truly, I am. And I’m actually kind of jealous. The surprising thing is, I’m not jealous of her, I’m jealous of you.
I’m jealous that you’ve been able to forget about me so easily.
And I’m even more jealous that you could forget about me enough to fall in love again while I’m still feeling the wrath of our break up.
Maybe that’s because I haven’t been able to find someone to replace you yet, while you have done a great job of doing just that.
I try and I try to put myself out there but nothing seems to feel right.
It’s not that I’m hung up on you, but hearing you move on while I’m still alone sucks. Maybe it’s your time and not mine yet. Maybe you were meant to find love and I was meant to find myself.
I know the time will come when I’m truly ready, I just wish it would come sooner. Part of me feels like I’ve failed in the breakup because of the fact that you’ve had the ability to move on while I simply haven’t.
I was the one who ended things, so I was supposed to be the one to find a new and improved love first. You were supposed to be heartbroken and trying to cope, not the other way around.
I was supposed to be rubbing my happiness in your face, gloating about my new and improved boyfriend. But that position in my life is still vacant after all these months, despite my attempts to fill it.
And maybe that’s exactly why I can’t find anyone: because I’m trying too hard.
And I’m trying too hard for all the wrong reasons. I don’t need to “one-up” you and get a replacement simply because you have.
It’s not about who can move on the fastest with the least number of slip ups or who can be the better actor, pretending the breakup had no effect on them. It’s not about who can mask their loneliness the best or forget about the other the quickest.
It’s about living a happy life. Point blank, that is all that matters here.
And that’s just it, we weren’t happy together. And now I’ve got to try to be happy on my own and to be honest, it’s a lot harder than I thought it would be.
I’m finally okay with enjoying my own company for a while.
I don’t need to rush simply to “win” because when I do find someone that treats me right, also known as an improvement, my happiness will do the talking.
But when it comes down to it, after all you’ve done and all we’ve been through together, I’m glad you’ve found happiness, even if it is with someone new and even if I haven’t yet.
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