I'm getting to the point I don't want to talk to guys (anyone really, but to keep a point, guys).
What's the point? I don't know what to say other than the usual small talk conversations. "Hey." "What's up?""Nothing. You?"
I don't have patience for that. I don't want to literally know what's happening at that exact moment in time. It's more than likely nothing exciting or you wouldn't be taking the time to message me. You'd be off doing whatever exciting thing it happened to be.
Let's assume for continuation of this piece, that the conversation moves further between me and this nameless man. Then what? Where is the conversation supposed to go? I don't want to talk about me. My life isn't that interesting. Unless the new man wants to discuss the pros and cons of buying a iPhone or a Samsung. Most likely not though.
Now, there have been a few guys I've gone on dates with. They were decent dates, but not too many had second dates. Whether it was because of me or them, it varied. Maybe I'm a little socially awkward, but small talk has never been my thing. Either go hard or go home. Have real conversation, or sit in awkward silences. My date life is usually the latter.
It's been so long I've had a boyfriend, I don't remember what I'm supposed to do with one. Am I supposed to walk it? Does it eat out of a bowl like my dog? Do I compliment consistently?
That might be a little extreme, but I don't have the desire to make time for someone other than my friends. I don't want to let someone know where I'm going or when I'll be back. I don't want to plan date nights or buy birthday/Christmas presents for an extra person. Gift giving is hard enough already.
I agree the above sounds selfish. Hypocritical as well if I'm being completely honest. Consider I want the white picket fence, the husband, two kids (maybe more), the dogs, that busy, stay-at-home mom/wife life. I want to pick out a house and fix it with a newly wedded husband. I want to do fun things together and get excited when we have our first baby. Painting nurseries and later "big kid" rooms. I want to watch my kids play sports or go to dance recitals.
But first, I need a guy I'm willing to spend some time with.
A man I'm willing to hold their hand. Someone I can laugh with.Someone who makes me want to cuddle on the couch. Someone I want to encourage and support through all of life's tough battles.
I know that one day, this will all happen. Probably. I'm okay with waiting for that moment. I'm okay with waiting and going on with my life. I just hope he's doing the same for me. Hoping I'm out in this huge world somewhere too.
