I scrolled through my camera roll attempting to find pictures that captured who I was. I took a second and stopped. Was I really going to make a Seeking Arrangements profile?
I’ve always been attracted to older men. They seem more sophisticated, intelligent, and worldly. But, as a relatively recent high school graduate, my exposure to older men has been limited. After all, it would be weird if I had a long dating history with older men.
After high school I found myself broke and lonely. I couldn’t afford to attend the four-year university I planned on attending, and I dreaded the fact I had to stay an extra two years in my hometown and go to community college. I was unhappy at my retail job that gave me few hours and a small paycheck. That’s when I discovered the world of sugar.
A sugar baby/sugar daddy relationship is when someone younger (aka the sugar baby) dates an older man in exchange for mentorship, companionship, and financial incentive. When I first discovered the sugar world, I was so intrigued. Did these kind of relationships actually exist? How do people even find sugar daddies?
I spent the next few months intrigued with the idea of being a sugar baby. As I learned about the ins and outs of sugaring, I realized people either slam or glamorize sugar relationships. Although most people have negative opinions towards sugar relationships, I didn’t understand what was so wrong about it. Everyone’s dating life is personal, and no one should have any influence of how people date. Technically, a sugar relationship is like real dating. A sugar baby is expected to spend time with their sugar daddy and form a friendship with them. Just like an average relationship, sugar babies aren’t expected to have sex with their sugar daddies: the overall relationship is more than just sex. So, who cares if someone wants to experience a relationship similar to regular dating while receiving an extra financial benefit?
Although sugar babies aren’t required to have sex with their sugar daddies (they aren’t prostitutes), many sugar daddies want a sugar baby that will have sex with them. You quickly learn if a sugar daddy is looking for a platonic relationship or not. Many sugar daddies feel like they are doing their sugar babies a favor by giving gifts and money, so they expect to receive a favor in return. While some sugar daddies enjoy their return favor in the form of companionship, a majority of sugar daddies are expecting their return favor to be something sexual. Some people say there’s no such thing as a platonic sugar relationship. I think they exist, but they’re harder to find.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago when I downloaded the Seeking Arrangements app. If you want to find a sugar daddy you can either meet them organically, or on the internet. Since I live in a small town, that’s not necessarily bustling with rich older men, I decided to choose the internet option. For someone who didn’t even use Tinder, I felt like making a Seeking Arrangements profile was a bold move. I quickly wrote my profile, picked a few pictures, and sold my soul to the sugar world. Within a few minutes I had a few matches.
This is when it became very apparent to me that I probably wasn’t cut out for the sugar world. Common bios said something along the lines of, “Looking for someone who likes to travel and have fun. Let’s enjoy the finer pleasures of life together”. In other words, “Looking for someone who is willing to have a friends with benefits relationship and get paid for it.” While there’s nothing wrong with that relationship, I wanted one that was platonic.
I spent the next few days scrolling through the app, clicking each profile that either intrigued me genuinely or comically. Seriously, if you’re ever in need of a good laugh, read bios on Seeking Arrangements. Some of the things people put on there are ridiculous. Eventually I got tired of reading profiles, and I hid the app in one of the folders on my phone.
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve opened Seeking Arrangements. Right now, I think the best way to meet a sugar daddy is organically. But, I keep the app in case I change my mind or feel bored. Part of me thinks I’m not right for the sugar lifestyle, and I should focus on traditional and average dating. But, I still respect the people who thrive in sugar relationships. If there’s anything you take away from this, don’t shame sugar babies (or sugar daddies) just because you wouldn’t be one. Everyone is entitled to their dating preference, and there’s nothing wrong with that.