Time has passed. It’s been long enough to swallow the stone in my stomach and move on from the prince charming that rode away into the sunset without me…right?
There are reminders everywhere.
My friends and acquaintances pairing up into happy couples, love songs on the radio, break up songs, songs we listened to together, songs he ruined me from for the rest of my life.
The damn bear that I just can’t get rid of because it’s the only thing that anyone has ever given to me just because they wanted to. So many reminders that I’m alone, and probably will be for a very long time to come.
I just want someone to give my heart to.
Maybe to someone who can help me put it together again, but that isn’t the way it works right? You have to be whole to be loved first. Broken hearts don’t mix well with love, or at least in my experiences they don't…
I crave someone, it’s not just a want. If I just wanted someone I would go find someone to fill the desire of being someone’s significant other. But that’s not it.
Something in my heart is looking for a certain thing because it knows that without the certain thing, whatever happens, will just fizzle out.
I need to be held so badly that I swear sometimes if I wrap myself in my blankets tight enough, I can almost feel someone’s arms, hear their breathing. Then I remember. I remember that they’re not there. I remember that no one is there…
I don’t go out anymore, there’s nowhere to go, and the only times I do get to go out, it always ends up being with one of the happy couple friends, because I don’t have any others…
They’re all happy together, and then there’s me.
I keep having these stupid flash fantasies run through my head about a knight in shining armor coming to sweep me off my feet, but I know it’s not going to happen… I’m just not that lucky.
Don’t get me wrong. My family loves me, but it’s not the kind of affection that I’m missing. There comes a point in your life when your instincts kick in to find that one person to spend the rest of your life with.
You need to find someone to love, entirely because of who they are and what they mean, not just because of a blood tie, or a legal piece of paper.
I think I’m running out of love to give.
I just feel empty… so damn empty. Every single part of me feels like there’s this chunk missing like something has just scooped out pieces of me and threw them somewhere dark and cold where they won’t come back from.
I miss the days when things were simpler. The times when you could imagine a fairytale love and it would be true inside your heart. The times when there was still a bit of magic and wonder to this sad place.
I just need someone to love me the way that I can love them.
I need someone to let me love them, to let me in. I need someone to lean on me and be the one that I can lean on. I need someone to teach me how to see the world again and not just the shadows that are trying to drown me.
