I recently read a poster that said, “Sometimes you’re the pigeon, and sometimes you’re the statue.” On this particular day, I was the statue.
I felt stuck. I felt emotionless. I felt like I was being shit on over and over and over again.
This wasn’t the first time I felt this way, and I’m certain it won’t be the last, but this day was a bit more memorable than most.
This was the day after the person I saw a future with, no longer saw a future with me.
This was the day after the person I loved woke up, and no longer loved me.
This was the day after the person who made me feel like the pigeon, turned me into the statue.
Since my relationship ended, I’ve been all about positivity, but I think it’s important to note that it hasn’t been easy.
I’ve opened up to many and claimed all was good. And, for the most part, I do believe all will be good. It’ll be just fine.
But, if there’s one thing an ending is good at doing, it’s creating questions and doubts about one’s self worth. I mean, why me? Or should I say, why not me?
For the most part, I’m a realist. I understand my life is not a fairytale. I understand that when someone says goodbye, there’s a likely chance they mean it.
I understand he’s not going to show up at my door proclaiming his love for me. He’s not going to admit he made a mistake because, well, he didn’t.
But, I want to hear something else. I want to hear that despite our ending, I am worth it. I am enough.
I talk too much.
I eat loudly.
I eat messily.
I eat too much.
I have an unhealthy obsession with Taco Bell.
I’m impossible to watch a movie with.
I criticized his haircut, or lack there of.
I made fun of his shoes.
I have to be right, even though I rarely am.
I’m stubborn.
I’m a blanket hog.
I’m a terrible singer.
I don’t always clean up after myself.
I’m so many things I wish I wasn’t.
But, at the end of the day it’s my many, many, many, flaws that simply make me, ME.
I’m not going to lie, I’ve obsessed more than enough times as to what I could’ve done differently. I’ve asked myself more than once why me? Or, why not me?
I will honestly probably never know the answer to such questions. He probably doesn’t even know the answer to such questions. It’s often questions like these that have no logical answer. And, that’s okay.
It’s okay to wonder why me, or why not me? It’s normal.
Don’t allow yourself to be stuck wondering for too long.
Because maybe, just maybe, you’re TOO awesome.
While you should probably refrain from criticizing hair cuts and ugly shoes (and probably eating Taco Bell), your flaws make you, YOU. Embrace them.
Don’t be the statue. Be the pigeon.
Someone already loves you despite your terrible singing voice.
I promise.
