He was different, but he was not special. He had the wildest appearance of love, but it was not love. His presence was suffocating, but he was never really there. I fell in love with a man, but he was a mannequin. A walking, talking mannequin blending in the jungle of humans.
The first second I laid eyes on him, a million memories flashed before my eyes. I knew him, I knew our future. I knew his past. I swear I knew everything. Flashback to countryside days, flashback to sweet misery, flashback to passionate lovers, flashback to sunsets that color my soul.
The next second he was a stranger, a tall figure with blonde hair and green eyes. His eyes imprinted themselves onto mine, claiming me as his own. He knew everything about me. His gaze was familiar and wild, comforting and disturbing.
His words floated into my ears and circled around in my head, clouding whatever previously lay there. His touch lingered for longer than the memory itself, and I knew I no longer belonged to me, but to him.
He hurt me, but he hurt me beautifully. He told me sweet things that you would not believe. I didn’t even believe them, nor did he. But the beauty was for too outstanding to let it slip by.
The mere memory of him is far more overwhelming than any real sensation. His memory always comes back, but he never does. His eyes still pierce my soul, his laugh still resonates through my bones, he still breathes chills down my neck.
I’ve learned to survive without him, but his presence will haunt me forever. Every step that I take, he’s pushing me toward him again. His presence may abide in my memory, but never will I let my eyes lay on his again. Wherever I run, he is always there. Even when I turn away, I know he’s right behind me.
Sometimes I’m regretful, sometimes I’m not. They’re some of my fondest memories. Cold, painful days but it felt like home. Wrapped up in his cold blanket, cradled safe and sound in his arms.
The sun kissed my face; beautiful, inviting, cold. I was paralyzed with fear that this ice age would end. The snow was like sand, the icebergs like ocean waves, the warm wind gently breezed blisters on my face.
Welcome to paradise, this is your home now. Away from outside harm, away from outside love. Away from threat, away from help.
You’ve got all you’ll ever need right here on this island. Just you and him.
And the other creatures he’s captured along the way.
