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Learning to trust again.

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I want you to know that my trust issues are not your fault. I hope that you know that. Opening up again was not easy. Trusting you is still not easy but I'm learning. And it's not your fault.

To give you the power to tear me into pieces is a scary thing. It's happened too many times but it's a fear that I have to deal with. I try to push it aside and not let you see it but sometimes it reares it's ugly head.

Loving you is the easy part. Puting my heart in your hands is hard. Not because it's you but because of how many times I've been burned. But hope you know that I am giving you the absolute best that I can provide and I hope it's enough. I hope you don't run away when it's hard. I hope you can stay and dance under the stars with me even when I might not be in the happiest of moods.

Dealing with me is not always easy. I'm anxious. I over think everything. I read into everything you say and do. But it's not your fault.

When I say I love you I mean it. When I tell you how I feel about certain issues it's because I hope you won't be like him. So that you can change the things about yourself that remind me of him. It's not that I think you will be like him, but my mind fears that it will happen again.

And if you're the one I know that all these things will fall into place. But to be honest you do feel like home to me. You keep me warm and you wipe away my tears. And you make me want to do better. Be better. And push myself for what I want.

And for that thank you. 

I can't give up. And I won't give up on myself. To the people who gave up on me, douces. To the people who plan on giving up on me, deuces. You wanna walk out then good bye. I'll prove myself but not for anybody else to see but myself. I'll become everything I've set out to be just watch and see. 

xoxo



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