I dwelled for a long time on what your name was. My nightmares told me it was one thing, he told me it was another, but my head told me it didn’t even really matter.
You still had sex with my boyfriend.
And I hated you for it.
Maybe he lied to you and manipulated you the same way he did to me. Maybe you didn’t even know I existed. I’m sure he charmed his way into your bed a thousand times over, and that you were just an innocent bystander. Right?
But something came from this. He fell in love with you, and I knew it. I could just tell. I think that’s when shit hit the fan.
I tried everything I could to forget about you.
But you were everywhere.
You were in the back of my mind while he laid next to me. You were all over him. You were on his mind, which made you be on my mind. You were right there over my shoulder every day.
You were in his kiss and in his heart and I was just kind of there.
I tried so hard to cling to him because starting over was scarier than being with a compulsive liar for the rest of my life. It was scarier than being with an unstable maniac. It was scarier than thinking he could love somebody more than he loved me. It was scarier than admitting I was way better off without him.
Looking back, I guess he didn’t love me at all.
I hated you for so long, for taking over. For winning. You got the life I thought wanted. You got the man I thought wanted, the family I thought I wanted.
You got him to change, which try as I might, I couldn’t do. You got his wild heart to settle down. You got the most non-committal man in the world to commit to you, because you trapped him with a maybe baby.
At least, that’s what it looks like from the outside in. Truthfully, I know I shouldn’t be angry with you, because Mr. Charming probably fooled you, too. I’ll bet he promised you he’d be anything you wanted him to be.
He probably swore to you up and down that he's honest, and he's left his cheating ways behind him. He probably told you he was wealthy and that he had his stupid little life together when he’s really starving for money, and his mother has to make his doctor’s appointments.
How’s a man like that going to be a father to your illegitimate love child?
Congratulations, you win, girl. You can have him and his infidelity and his lies.
Enjoy your new baby daddy. Enjoy the man you probably think is the love of your life. He will likely be with you forever, but not for the reasons you think.
Eventually, he will settle in and adapt to this new life of fatherhood, and he will no longer regret making the biggest mistake of his life.
But at some point, honey, you’ll be in the same boat I was. I guarantee it. And then what will you do?
That’s why I can’t be mad at you. I can’t blame you for falling in love with him, because so did I.
I can't hold it against you that you believed all his pretty little lies, because he sure knows how to make them shine.
I can forgive you for sleeping with my boyfriend, because honestly, you weren't the only one.
Sorry to break it to you, but nobody will ever be his one and only.
I’m a big enough person to thank you for helping me realize that the life I thought I always wanted, wasn’t even close to what I deserve. The guy I thought I always wanted was really nothing special, and I would have been making a terrible decision by settling for something other than amazing.
Thank you for doing me the biggest solid by showing me his true colors.
You might have gotten the guy, but I got the world. And these days it’s bigger and brighter than ever.
And that enormous bullet I dodged? Bye Felecia, he's all yours.