The minute you were taken from me I realized my life would never be the same. Suddenly the world was empty without you in it, I felt like I was lost in a place that once felt so familiar. You were the one I would turn to, and now you were gone.
It took me a long time to let go of the anger and the hurt, but I realized that you wouldn't want this for me. I realized that the only way I could make peace with your death is to live a life that would make you proud.
I learned to make kindness a priority. At any given moment, someone's world could be crashing down, and I will never try to intentionally to make someone's life harder.
I found out that taking care of myself wasn't just physical, I had to take care of my mind too. If I'm having a dark day and feel like I have nothing in me to give, then I don't force it. On the days I miss you so much that it physically hurts, I let myself feel the pain so I can be stronger next time.
I learned that the best way for me to heal is to let all my emotions out, and taking time for myself to do so.
And I started wanting to challenge my mind. There are so many books to be read, and knowledge to be learned. I don't want to waste a minute.
I have learned how to become a good friend. To sit with someone in the darkness. To listen and to not judge. To be the kind of friend that I needed when you were sick.
And now I let go of toxic friendships. I realized that some people were in my life for no real reason. They spent their time creating drama and draining me of all my energy. I let them go, without feeling bad about it.
I have learned to make the most out of my time. Memories are more important than material things. Spending time with friends and family is so much more of a priority than spending money.
But I don't sit out when an opportunity comes my way. I feed the adventure in my soul. As much as I enjoy quiet nights in, there are so many places I have never experienced. So many adventures left in my years. I have learned to no longer be afraid of new experiences and places but to embrace them.
All that I am, I owe to you. You spent your life teaching me right from wrong, good from bad. I was still learning when you left.
Sitting by your bed, not ready to say good bye, I was still a girl who just wanted her mom.
Today, I am a woman that I hope reflects the strength and kindness that you built into yourself. You taught me so much while you were alive, but I never imagined how much I would learn in your death.
For more of Mary's writing, follow her on Facebook.
