?Today I feel as though I have awakened from a deep slumber. I grew up believing the way of my ancestors was the only way. Therefore, I must be like my mother, father, grandparents, etc. I must live by the same doctrine.
Hence, I drank from the cup of lust and gave into my desires. I took the blue pill, believing it would suppress my hunger. Instead, I starved. I was spoon fed self-hatred; I grew to resent myself and wallowed in self-pity. I mistreated my body and placed my trust in a man who didn’t even love himself. I didn’t know my value or how worthy I was. I didn't demand respect or for him to at least meet me half way. I gave away my most valuable possession. I was desperate for affection. I was a sucker; I mistook lust for love. I believe for love I had to pay the ultimate price. My existence depended on another being other than myself.
I was too busy searching for someone to mate my soul with that I forgot to love who I was and to put me first. See, I believe outside of myself there was this individual once I found him we would live happily ever after. I would become whole, my world would be complete. It took a few hard knocks for me to learn that I am the love I seek. For God is love, and I was created in his image. Therefore, I am love.
After the storm there must be a calm. Each day I become more aware of who I am. Who I want to be. I am not the person I once was. I am not what my peers think of me. I alone define me and I choose my destiny. This is as far as I will carry my baggage. Our journey together ends here and now. I am unpacking; freeing myself from doubt, fears, and self-hatred.
As I sit here listening to Adele, her bittersweet melody of 'Someone like you' resonates within me a sense of inner peace, forgiveness and redemption. I smile because I am strong. I know I will persevere, endure and overcome whatever obstacles may lie ahead. I embrace my battle scars with love; they help to shape me into the lioness I have become.