As much as I would love to say that I don’t miss you, actually the man you used to be, I’d be lying to myself. And to well, you. I’d love to be able to say I don’t wonder what you’re up to, and truthfully I’d love to say that I don’t wonder if you wonder about me.
I can’t count the times I’ve wanted to rewind time, back to when things were simpler between the two of us.
Or the amount of times I’d check my phone just to see if you called, or even texted.
I always wondered what I would do if you did actually message me, would I actually answer? Would I think, maybe his common sense has kicked in and he’s finally realized what he lost.
I never, not for a second thought I’d actually resent you for trying to be apart of my life again, but in all honesty I just can’t say hello to you and risk another goodbye.
You played me like a goddamn puppet, and I think that the worst part of it all is that you made me feel as if you were permanent. That you were there when I needed you, and then you weren’t.
I realized I was better than being just another one of your options, and I am sure as hell smarter than to love someone who couldn’t chose one person to love.
Days, weeks and months have passed by and here you are again, trying to find a way to slither back into my life, but before you step a single foot towards me, reconsider it.
I am not the same person I was, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect, to hurt, and to miss you but you need to know, I simply grew tired of waiting for you to give me the same love I gave to you for so long, don’t tell me you’re sorry, don’t ask me how I’ve been. Don’t try to come back.
You knew exactly what you were doing, what you were giving up, and I hope that sticks with you. I hope it keeps you up at night.
But I won’t lie, the odd time I’ll think of you.
I’ll miss you like crazy. I’ll miss the daily conversations, laughing with you, weekly dinner dates at “our spot”, for the ability to call you upset at anytime of night and hearing the words “the doors unlocked”.
But mainly, I’ll miss not only being able to call you my best friend, but my person. My rock. I really don’t understand why they glorify dating your best friend, because they don’t talk about how much it kills you to lose two people in one.
We both know that the type of person I am struggles with giving up on people I deeply care about, but I can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep playing this game.