The hardest part of any breakup is the aftermath.
I honestly don’t know what’s worse, the never-ending search for a moment of peace inside my self-sabotaging mind, or trying to rebuild myself with broken and missing pieces.
And at this point it had become obvious, we weren’t meant for one another. We didn’t have that “it” factor that we’d need to carry us for years to come. And I knew it, we both did.
But I still let my mind wander to thoughts of you, and us, even though it was painful. I let myself think about the ‘might-have-beens’ and the ‘what-ifs.’
Because honestly, it helped. I was finally dealing with the last bits of swept-under-the-rug feelings that I just wanted to forget about.
But the second you told me you were seeing someone new, I watched as every bit of progress I made completely disintegrated. To say my heart sank completely to the bottom of my stomach would be the world’s biggest understatement.
I became slightly derailed, lost. I thought I had given myself enough time to get over you, and us.
But this was a clear indication that was not the case. Was I hoping that door to you would remain open? Was I needing you to finally move on so that I could too?
Was I just pretending to be over you, to heal myself on the surface, while my heart was still bleeding beneath it?
Whatever the reason, I didn’t see it coming. And I don’t know how to deal.