Somehow, I got caught up in your cycle, and I keep going down the same dangerous path every time.
I don’t know how many times I will let you do this to me, but I do know that it kills me a little more every single time.
Why? Do you get a satisfaction when you see me in pain?
I know that you have never said the words, but I know that there is a part of you that loves me. There’s a part of me that loves you as well. We had plans. We had a goal. We were finally moving forward.
Then you got scared, and everything changed.
Why did I put up with it? Why do I continue to? Why do I allow you to treat me the way that you do?
I may not be perfect, but I sure as hell deserve better than what you give me. I was willing to do ANYTHING to make it work, but you have no interest in trying. It’s easier for you to throw in the towel and move on.
I’m not ready to do that. I have invested a lot of time and emotion into whatever this is that we have and I’m not willing to give up.
I still honestly have no idea what your main goal in life is.
Maybe you don’t even know. You say that you want a relationship. Here you go. That’s what we have. Is it not?
But yet you go back and forth, jumping from one extreme to the other and I can’t keep up.
You wreak havoc on my heart and in my life, and it’s destroying me. You’re tearing through me and uprooting everything I thought was concrete. Now I’m not sure of anything anymore.
I just want you to sit still for a minute and tell me what you want.
The ball is in your court. Just remember to play wisely because sooner than later I am going to be too tired to keep dancing this tango with you. Once I’m gone, I’ll be gone. You’ll be the one staining your pillows with tears. Not me. Not anymore.
