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Please, Don't Leave Me Alone with My Thoughts

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Waking up in the morning and checking her phone:

“No notifications.”

“Am I not that important to other people’s lives that no one needs to text me?”

Begins to get ready for the day:

“Why do I even try? No one will notice anyways.”

“It’ sunny out, I have to look pretty then they’ll notice, right?”

“Too bad I’m too fat to wear anything super cute…”

Friend texts to cancel plans for coffee:

“Why are they canceling?” 

“What did I do wrong?”

“They said they’re sick, but I don’t believe them. Why are they lying to me?”

“Fuck them. This always happens."

“Everyone hates me… I’m worthless.” 

Walks into a room of filled with people:

“Why did he just give me a dirty look? What did I do wrong? Am I wearing something bad? What’s wrong with me?”

“Why am I even here? I know everyone hates me and just can’t wait for me to leave so they can talk about me behind my back.”

“I hate them…no no I don’t hate them, I wouldn’t care so much if I did” 

“I should just disappear.”

“Why am I even caring though? I don’t even like it here anymore, why am I here? This isn’t who I am.” 

“I don’t know who I am.” 

Goes to work:

“I’m such a loser working here…” 

“Why do I even try to work?”

“I should just go home, I can’t handle working today.”

“Why did he go into the other line and not mine? Mine was closer…he probably has heard I’m crazy, and no one wants to be near a crazy person.”

“I’m not crazy, am I?”

“Maybe I am.”

“Fuck this, I’m going home.” 

Texts my friend for support:

“You’re just bothering them, they’re going to resent you soon.”

“Why haven’t they answered yet?”

“They’re going to hate me, they have to be tired of dealing with me.”

“I’m tired of dealing with me.”

“See no text back, I knew it.They hate me. I hate me. Fuck this.”

“Why can’t I just be normal?”

“They’re going to leave just like everyone else did.” 

Looks for something to eat:

“I’m starving.”

“You already had coffee and a yogurt today though, that’s a lot.”

“Maybe you should wait until later to eat…”

“Maybe you shouldn’t eat at all…”

“Drink some water and you’ll be fine.”

Settling down for the night:

“I’m exhausted, so why can’t I sleep?”

“Oh great, thank you brain for reminding me of what happened with him…”

“I just need to sleep, why can’t I sleep, why can’t I do anything right?”

“I’m obviously a failure if I can’t even sleep right.”

“I’m a loser who lost everyone she loved, ruined her life, and will never be normal again.”

“I don’t deserve to sleep, I deserve everything that has come to me, all of the pain, all of the torture, I deserve all of it.”

“Will I ever be happy again? Will we ever be friends again? Will they get back together? Will I forget what she looked like? Will things ever get easier?” 

“I don’t know how much longer I can fight, please give me a break, please make this easier for me, I’m in so much pain please help me…” 

“I just want to fucking sleep!!!!!!” 

“LET ME SLEEP, LET ME FORGET… PLEASE.” 

“Just let me sleep.”


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