I had finally accepted that I lost you. I was making my peace with it and carrying on with life.
And then you popped back up in my life, just like that.
I told myself I was going to take this slow. I was going to take my time, barely dip my toes in the water. But the instant I saw you, the floodgates opened and I couldn’t stop you from rushing back in.
I tried to fight it, but something in my heart tugged at me. And now I’m afraid.
I barely made it through round one of our turmoil, and I’m not ready for round two to go down the same way. So I’m begging you, don’t make me say goodbye to you twice.
If you’re here, I need you here to stay. I need you to be a constant in my life and I need to know I can trust you.
I want so badly to believe that things are going to be different, but every time something goes wrong, it screams to every fear already in my head. It tells me to run before you can leave again.
I don’t want to feel this way, I want to just be glad that you’re back. But I’m absolutely terrified.
I’m terrified that if you disappear again, I won’t make it. My heart just can’t take being let down by you twice. I can’t pick up every broken piece of myself all over again.
I want to believe every word you say is true, but I’ve seen what you’re capable of.
I know exactly what this could do to me. But here I am, risking everything I’ve worked to overcome.
So please don’t quit or keep me at arm’s length, because I’m an all-or-nothing person and you can’t expect me to half love you.
Either jump in wholeheartedly with me or walk away right now, because I before I fall too hard for you again.
For more from rc, visit her writer’s page here.
