"You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can't spend the rest of my life with you." – Doctor Who
Losing a pet is one of the hardest things an animal lover will ever have to endure. It doesn't matter how long they've been around, but if you loved them, you will feel the pain of losing them and it will cut deeper than their little claws ever could.
What you don't realize is how much of an impact they've mad on your life or how their presence was bigger than you'd imagine. One day they're here and the next they're not and you feel an emptiness throughout your household, one that you'd never experienced before you had them.
Big or small, they make their way into your heart and most of the time, you cannot let go. You look at their little faces and you know that they were always meant to be yours.
They look at you like you're the love of their life and that they couldn't be happier that you're their person.
Being their person comes with a lot of pain because, as the quote states, you can't spend the rest of your life with them when that's all you've ever wanted to do.
They walk into your life and your heart swells with such love and joy and there's nothing they could do that would make you love them any less because as each day passes – somehow, miraculously – your heart increases and you do love them more.
You look at each other the same way. Whether a cat, dog, or any small animal or feathered friend, they all have a tendency to give you that look of admiration and joy.
You try to give them the best life that you possibly can. You spend hundreds of thousands of days with them by your side and whatever happens, you try to make sure that they're happy and content.
Their little motions and behavior tells you that you are doing everything right… but in the end, you may second guess that. However, don't let your doubts cloud the best life you gave them.
Don't let your doubt suddenly tell you that you didn't give them what you needed because you did. You did the best you possibly could and they will forever be grateful.
In the end, everything hurts – whether it's you or them or both.
In the end, your entire world comes shattering down and you sometimes have to make a choice, but I will tell you that you are making the best choice you possibly can.
If you gave them a good life then you know that you're making the right decision, even when it leaves you with nothing but pain.
It feels like losing a family member or a limb. Nothing ever goes back to normal and there will be some phantom pain in your life every time you call their name or think that you saw their shadow out of the corner of your eye.
Sometimes the pain lasts for years because you know that you will never meet another animal like them again.
They all have attitudes and personalities and little quirks that no other pet will ever have.
And that's okay.
It's okay because they're all unique creatures and it's almost funny how beautiful that can be, even though it leaves you with dread in the moment.
"Somethings in life are worth getting your heart broken for." -Doctor Who
In the end, you will tell them that you're sorry, but they will give you that knowing look – the one that understands.
People can tell you that they don't know what's happening, but by the time you arrive to the vet, they know what's going to happen and although it's painful to see, you know that they forgive you.
They forgive you because they loved you with every atom of their being. They forgive you because you're doing what's right. They forgive you because they do not want to suffer any further. They forgive you because they know it's difficult, but they know that it's time, just like we do.
And, most of all, they forgive you because you did everything that you could to keep them happy and healthy for the entire time you knew each other and doing everything to keep them happy sometimes comes to the most heartbreaking decision of doing what's best for them one last time.
As much joy as animals can give you, they can break your heart in a millisecond, in a way you never knew that they could, but they don't mean to. Heartbreakingly enough, that's the way life goes.
Saying goodbye is the hardest part because having to do so is something you will never get over.
What it all comes down to in the end is that you did everything you could for them. You gave them so much – as much as you possibly, humanly could.
Although it may hurt, you have to remember that they were incredibly pleased with what you were able to do for them.
This, in the saddest form, is a reminder to love your animals. Love them with every single part of you. Love their purrs, their chirps, their squeaks, and their whines. Love their quirks. Love them and they will love you in return – even when it's all over.
You will cry and mourn, but at the end of the day, you will also heal.
As the same Doctor Who episode states: "Some things in life are worth getting your heart broken for."
To Spunky, London, Lily, Shawnie, and all of my small animals – I hope I gave you the best life that I could. I miss you all more than I can bear at times, but I know that you were happy and that has to be enough to keep me happy. If I had it my way, I'd spend the rest of my life with all of you, giving you every ounce of love. Even though I cannot have my dream, please know that all of you were worth getting my heart broken for.
