I know that it’s naïve and stupid to think that someone can do this. Especially since I’m the one who refuses to lie about anything, and doesn’t make promises I can’t keep.
I have a weird relationship with promises. I’ve been promised a lot of things, and had most of them fall through due to lack of intention. Even so, I don’t break my promises. If I say the words “I promise” then you can rest assured that I will do everything in my power to do what I said I would. But I won’t lie and tell you that something is going to be ok if I can’t rest assured that it will.
You see, this is my problem. I can’t make a promise if it can’t be kept, and here I am, needing someone to make me a promise.
I need someone to promise me that there is someone out there who wants me. Someone who will make me believe that I’m not a piece of trash that belongs in the garbage. That’s what I feel like right now.
I need someone to tell me that the sun is going to come out again and banish this demon in my heart. I need someone to promise me that I’m going to stop missing him some day soon. I need someone to promise me that he really did love me and that I wasn’t just a tool for him to get what he wanted. I need someone to promise me that it wasn’t my fault. I need someone to promise me that I’ll find someone who was an even better fit than him. I need someone to promise that I’m not just going to wither into nothing.
I need to promise myself that I’ll be fine but I can’t. I need someone to take the chance that they’ll be lying to me. I can take the devastation of having yet another promise be broken, but I can’t take this never ending tide of almost good and then bad. I don’t know which direction it’s going to go.
I need someone to promise me that I’ll be okay.
