As a writer and an avid reader, I tend to use articles and stories as a way to learn things I don’t fully understand or try to describe feelings I can’t put into simple words.
One article I came across a while back was about marriage and the writer also penned something about depression. This became a revolution for me.
As I pored over words about not becoming a victim of depression, choosing your own reaction to the negative things that occur in your life and accepting that things are out of your control, I realized something extremely important. It took me by surprise how quickly the realization hit me and it scared me that somehow I hadn’t even noticed.
I had stopped fighting.
My resilience at overcoming life’s obstacles was one thing I could always be proud of. I had experienced the help of so many people to get to where I was and, after making it that far I knew I could do anything. I had met others like myself who had gone through terrible situations and come out in a way I never would have guessed. It was all about the person’s reaction to their situation that determined their outcome.
Some people became the very thing they despised. The very thing they feared becoming.
Some close themselves off from the world, trying to protect themselves and those they love by hardly giving themselves any experiences. Experiences could be bad and so it is safer without anything.
Some become selfish and even cruel. They were put into awful circumstances far beyond their control and so the rest of the world needs to make it up to them. They shouldn’t have to do anything because they were dealt a bad hand.
Some cling to the bad moments in the past as if it was a life preserver. Nothing will ever change because that’s just who they are. It couldn’t possibly get better and they’re just meant to have a messed up, unhappy life.
I would marvel at these responses. Sure I could relate and understand but it felt like such an awful way to live life. I didn’t understand how anyone could choose that.
Yet, here I was. A victim allowing circumstances to dictate my life. I was living in a world of negativity, expecting the worst at all times and allowing myself to be anxious about everything. While anxiety, depression and everything that comes along with it maybe be a part of my life, it is not the part that defines me. It is not who I am.
I am overly emotional and silly with a loud, ridiculous laugh like my Grandma’s.
I am attractive and intelligent.
I am someone who likes to stay busy and always knows there is some task to be completed.
I am a tad bit compulsive with a large, crazy, messy family who make it nearly impossible to be compulsive.
I am partially an introvert and partially an extrovert. Being around people makes me anxious but also helps me to focus. Being by myself is peaceful but also makes my brain go a million miles a minute.
I am someone who puts too much on my own shoulders and has a hard time asking for help, let alone accepting it.
I am a writer and a reader.
I am a wife and a mother.
I love challenges. I thrive on overcoming obstacles and finding solutions to problems. I was given the life I have because I could not only survive but I could use it to become a better, more loving person.
No one has a predetermined amount of suffering that they deserve. Life is all about taking what we are given and doing the best with what we’ve got. You will get sad and angry. You will feel lost and alone.
Take these moments and accept them as part of who you are, but do not let them define you.
You are so much more than anything that happens to you.
You define you.
