We’re all guilty of asking or saying at least one of these questions or statements whenever we hear that someone is a newlywed. After the first few times of politely answering them, they start to sound like a broken record. So, the next time you find out someone tied the knot, try to stay away from this sh*t:
1. “Your wedding was nice, but…” If you were at their wedding, they don’t care about what you think they should have done differently.
2. "How much did you spend on x, y, and z?" While we’re on the topic of weddings, it’s none of your business how much any of it cost.
3. “I could never spend that much money on…” Well, that’s why it was MY wedding and not yours.
4. “I don’t believe in marriage.” If you don’t believe in marriage, that's your choice, but don’t ruin someone else's happiness.
5. “I don’t need a piece of paper to show my commitment.” *see #4*
6. “Show me your ring! How many carats is it? How much did it cost?” I don’t care if you have a rock the size of your head or an unadorned band. It’s about the commitment and intention behind the object that matters.
7. “Does it depress you to know you’ll only have sex with one person for the rest of your life?”
8. “When are you going to have kids?” This is inappropriate for so many reasons. Not every couple wants kids right away or ever or is able to have them. Let them figure out what works best for them in their own time.
9. “You’re not getting any younger!” No really? And here I thought I was aging backwards like Benjamin Button.
10. “When are you going to make me a grandparent?” Again, no matter how good the intentions, let’s just vow to steer clear of all baby questions unless the person had made their intentions and thoughts clear.
11. “Are you using birth control? *insert person’s opinion on why what you’re using or not using is wrong* The only wrong form is what doesn’t work for me, my marriage, and our lives.
12. “But don’t you miss being single?” Because I clearly disliked my significant other so much that I married them.
13. “It’s all downhill from here!” Gosh, what will I ever do now that I have to spend the rest of my life with my best friend? How will I ever survive! *insert eye roll here*
14. “Are you so sad that you’re wedding’s over with now?” You read my mind! Floral and seating arrangements were the only thing I had going for me in my life.
15. “Why did/didn’t you take their last name?” There are a million reasons why someone might choose to keep their maiden name. I’ll let you in on a little secret, none of the reasons are any of your concern.
16. “I wish I could have made it!” This can be horrible for one of two reasons: 1. The person wasn’t invited and now comes the awkward/nervous laugh. 2.Said person was invited and didn’t come.
17. “How’s your sex life?” It’s actually… none of your business.
18. “I’d never be able to marry someone who does…” Good thing it was me that married them and not you! This could be said in regards to so many different things; a job, hobby, etc. If the couple is happy, that’s what matters.
19. “I can’t believe you let them do…” I’m not my husband’s keeper, nor is he mine, and I didn’t marry him to try and change everything about him.
20. “You on the old ball and chain?” Still not my husband’s keeper. Our marriage is based on us each being our own person and bringing that to the table.
21. “Are you going to stay home once you have kids?” Again with the kid questions? And when did I suddenly become incapable of working and being a kick ass parent?
22. “Now you can let yourself go!” I guess I missed the memo that getting married equals not taking care of yourself.
23. “If you don’t do x, y, and z, you’re a bad wife!” Just because certain things work for you and your significant other doesn’t mean they’ll work for everyone.
24. “Marriage changed you! It’s like you’re not even the same person anymore!” Being single versus being married differ from each other in so many ways. Starting your life with someone does come with changes and adjustments in both of your lives that weren’t necessarily needed before.
So the next time you see a newlywed, stick to things like: “Congratulations!”, “I’m so happy for you!”, or something about how beautiful it was! The couple will appreciate the love and support more than anything.