Growing up I was the reasons all my classroom had a “we are a peanut free classroom” poster on our door. But it wasn’t just because I was allergic to peanuts… it was so much more. And I know it’s frustrating for other people and not everyone understands, so I’m so sorry that my severe food allergies inconvenience you.
Apples can send me down a spiral into a panic attack, touching milk can make my skin feel like it’s on fire, eating wheat can make my throat raw.
I know it’s annoying and I know you think I’m complicated, but believe me having these allergies isn’t easy for me either. I didn’t choose this.
My food allergies get more severe each year and with that, my reactions change. Sometimes I will get blisters, hives. Sometimes my throat will feel as if I’m swallowing rocks or closing just from breathing your food.
Most often, when you are eating your food, I will sneeze and I will feel lightheaded. Most often, I will act as if everything is fine. I may not tell you that I’m dizzy. I may not tell you why I am sneezing. I may not tell you why my nose is running.
All because I know my food allergies make me seem like a nuisance.
For every time I walk away from you as you eat, for every time I ask you to wait for me to leave before you eat, or when I ask you to wash your hands, please understand that I am not doing it for attention or to annoy you.
I’m doing these things to protect myself and my life.
Not too long ago, my allergic reactions consisted of severe body pains, migraines, IBS, anxiety, mood swings, and fatigue. I was ingesting these foods daily not knowing I was poisoning myself.
After clearing the poisons from my system, my reactions changed. A lot of people don’t understand the severity or don’t believe that these foods could potentially send me to the hospital because they’ve never seen that occur.
I’m sorry but if you think stabbing yourself with an EpiPen is easy or that you wouldn’t freak out, think again.
Do you ever think that it is easy for me to constantly be on guard? Do you think I want to constantly explain to people why I am the way I am?
And those questions make me feel so unbelievably insecure. So to answer them all:
I’m not going to get 1000s of allergy shots that could possibly send me into anaphylactic shock.
I’m not going to slowly introduce these foods back into my diet.
It is not worth the risk. I am not starving. There are plenty of foods still available for me to eat.
No, my allergies will not get better. They will not go away.
My food allergies are no joke.
I am twenty-something and food can kill me. Please don’t make me feel like crap for something I cannot control. I have felt that there are insensitive actions in regards to food allergies, but I also know that lack of understanding is the main cause for it.
As an adult, I should be able to emotionally handle this, but I can’t.
I hope that one day, more people will truly understand the struggles of living with food allergies as intense as mine. But until then, I’ll just keep fighting because I can live without those foods. I can’t live with them.
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