Everyone’s heard it before, relationships take work. You and your partner are committed to one another to build up and maintain trust, communication, and friendship.
As much as we try to always agree and have an amazing time with our partners, fights will come up from time to time.
When it comes to fights, it’s important to distinguish the difference between healthy fights and unhealthy fights. When it comes to fighting with your partner, it’s not important that you’re fighting with your partner, but how you fight with your partner.
Healthy fights address the conflict in a respectful manner, both sides are heard, and a resolution is made. Both you and your partner learn from the disagreement and carry on, sometimes stronger than before.
Unhealthy fighting, however, will destroy the relationship. When fighting with your partner, avoid these unhealthy blows or risk losing your partner:
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Don’t hold the relationship hostage when not getting your way. When fighting with your partner, it’s easy to threaten them into choosing between surrendering and agreeing with you or separating. Ultimatums are a means of control over your partner during a fight and solve nothing.
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Don’t bring previous disagreements into your current fight. If a previous fight with your partner has been resolved, bringing it up will only make the current fight worse. Keep the doors of the past closed and focus on resolving your current issue.
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Never fight with your partner through text messages. Tone can’t be understood through texts, things will be misunderstood, and issues will escalate quickly, causing even more issues. Just wait until the two of you can sit together in the same room and rationally work through the issues.
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Avoid name-calling at all cost. When fighting with your partner, it’s very tempting to want to call them a nasty name. Name-calling is intended to deliberately hurt your partner in a fight and will not help with the current issue but worsen it or cause further issues.
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Don’t exaggerate anything. Exaggerating is a means of making you seem more right than your partner. As much as we want to be the “right one” in a fight, remember that it’s more important to work with our partner to find a resolution.
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Keep others out of a fight between you and your partner. It’s okay to turn to someone as a means of gaining advice. But badmouthing your partner or presenting one-sided arguments only serves the purpose of gaining momentum through numbers. More importantly, it’s nobody else’s business.
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Don’t determine what your partner can and cannot do as a result of a fight. Forcing your partner to sleep on the couch, leave the house, or withholding things has nothing to do with the issues and will introduce resentful feelings not associated with the current fight.
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Don’t hold onto things while fighting with your partner. Holding onto issues will only cause the fight to continue to circle back. You’re not always going like what your partner has to say, but you absolutely need to move forward if you want to come to a resolution.
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Never question your love or commitment to your partner during a fight. Saying things like “I don’t know why I love you” or “Why do I bother being in this relationship” diverts from the current issues and threatens the relationship.
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Avoid using harsh words against your partner or your relationship during a fight. As much as we'd like to say whatever is on our mind, it's important to remember that those words won't go away. Pick your words respectfully.
Fights will come up from time to time in any relationship. When fights pop up, it’s important to remember to love and respect each other, no matter what.