When it comes to asking someone out, nothing seems to be more embarrassing, or “weak” than sending a text or direct message. It’s an unwritten rule, a sort of social maxim that a gentleman expresses his initial dating intentions in person, perhaps over (black) coffee, or beer. It’s the proper, manly thing to do. It takes confidence, which is why it’s more appealing to women.
But for guys who lack confidence, social media is a perfect tool to get dates. And I’m not talking about Tinder (confidence issue, remember?).
I’m talking about Facebook.
Sure, you can DM girls through Snapchat, Twitter and Instagram, but they generally lack one key feature that Facebook has: context. To put it in another way, the personal nature of Facebook posts and interactions means you already have an “in” with the other person.
When was the last time you accepted a friend request from a total stranger, or someone you didn’t like?
So, for this to work, picking from your friends list is key. It eliminates the creep factor. You’re already friends, or at least a few degrees of separation away. You have mutual friends(who could vouch for you), so she probably doesn’t hate you yet.
I’m also comfortable in assuming this works, because a staggering amount of relationships start out as friendships.
So why does this work so well?
For one, it takes advantage of the proximity problem of rejection. If you don’t hear it in person, it wouldn’t hurt as much. Simple.
Second, and more important, it allows you to build up immunity to rejection. If you’re lucky, you’ll also realize that the fear is nonsense and rejection is not a matter of life and death. Seriously, it’s not a big deal. Rejection is part of life. You can even get lucky on the first try. You never know.
Just be sure to be genuine. Direct Message only those you are really interested in. It’s a number’s game, but friends talk. You don’t want to be the douche who messaged all his female friends hoping one would say yes. It works in the bar, for hookups. Not for semi-serious to serious relationships.
So go ahead, try it out. I guarantee it works. Maybe not for actual success of getting a date, but it certainly will help in a deeper sense, in that you’ll realize rejection is nothing to be afraid of.
Trying is what counts.
Maybe it’s a high school friend from a few years ago, or a new co-worker. You don’t care enough to take a chance, but you want to keep it low stakes. Meaning, if they start acting weird after you ask, no problem. You can afford to let that acquaintanceship go.
It’s harder if it’s a really good friend. But sometimes, you have to swing for the fences. Just be sure you’ve thought it through. I have on one occasion. The friendship fell apart initially, but now we’re mending it.
Almost five years ago, I took the same chance. We’ve been together as a couple ever since.
So go ahead, ask. You can’t get a yes if you don’t.
Want to see more like this on Puckermob? Check out 5 Proven Ways to Improve Romance in the Bedroom
