Shows and movies about love seem to portray women in the same sort of fashion; even novels will have the main woman pouring her heart and soul out to a man on the first date. The men in these stories tend to be seemingly receptive to these gestures, and over a short period of time, the two love birds fall hard for one another and live happily ever after. If you are single or out in the dating world, you know now more than ever, a once rare breed of girl is becoming increasingly prevalent. Due to the nature of social media and apps where you can basically “shop” for a hookup, date, or relationship, more people seem to be misunderstood and as a result, are getting hurt. More likely than not, you will run into a girl that is guarded, reticent, or callous. Although they give off the vibe of not being able to love as deeply, if you find yourself interested in one, take the time to go through the process with her. Trust me, she wants to feel loved as much as she wants to love- it just takes a bit more patience, but the end result will be more than worth it. Find healthy love with dating apps that are more positive. And read on.
1. Her walls will be high. She may have been hurt previously or fear letting anyone get close to her reality. She will play it cool and pretend as if you are getting to know her by shining a friendly smile and engaging in small talk. But if you pay close attention, she won’t yet give you any details of her inner world just yet. She refuses to show any vulnerability and at times may come off as cold, (although she honestly doesn’t mean to, so try not to take it personally).
2. She questions you, and herself. Before letting anyone penetrate her wall, she has to feel a certain level of comfort. If she feels as if you are genuine and trustworthy, she may start to let you see a little more of the real her. She may tell you more personal details of her life, but still nothing of significant meaning. She is trying to figure you out, and the way you make her feel when you are with her will be your secret love weapon.
3. The ebb and flow. If you have made it this far, know by this point, she has thought about running and she has questioned staying. She has one moment of warmth followed by a few cool moments. You may get confused if she seems to have a smile on her face one second and then seems to be distant the next- know she’s living in her mind. Right now is where her mind and heart are fighting, and this is where her level of fear rises if she is starting to feel a deeper connection with you. Continue being genuine and showing your support and patience- I promise it will pay off. At this stage she also may be introducing you to a couple of her friends, seeing how you interact with them and what they think of you. She will also want to meet your friends to gauge how you are in public as opposed to private- try to remain consistent and stable.
4. More warmth than coldness in her demeanor and you can feel her starting to relax. Don’t get me wrong- she is still on guard and fearful, but if you’re at this point, she is learning about you and she has decided to start finally trusting you (to a certain extent). She may give you more intimate details about her life and her mind, seeing how you perceive the bits and pieces she has given you. Her main goal at this point is to understand you, and she is looking for consistency in what you’ve said and the actions to follow. At this point, family may also come into play. You’ll meet her siblings or her parents, and because she will most likely value their opinions above any, be polite and respectful of them as you interact, and even afterwards talking about them with her.
5. The ultimate love. Her walls are fully down- she’s let you inside of her heart and mind completely. She is loyal and faithful, and incredibly gracious for you having the patience to show her your true feelings. She will have that passion and undying love for you and only you. She will be free, yet fully engulfed in the flames of your soul. Know that she has put an incredible amount of thought and time into you, and because she’s not quick to let just anyone in, you have reached a point most will never see of her. Please never take this for granted because you may end up losing the most honest love you could ever comprehend.
A guarded girl has many layers buried within her. Although she may come off as apathetic and uncaring at the start, she feels deeply and is fearful of her heart being shattered. It’s not easy to show vulnerability, so when given the choice of running or opening up, it is tempting for this girl to run- only letting people get to know her skin-deep, even though those relationships are unfulfilling to her. Taking the time and effort will pay off in the end, and you will be graciously rewarded. Trust is a large part of any relationship, and with her it doesn’t come easy. Good luck, and make sure to have fun and enjoy the amazing benefits in the end.