Breakups are stupidly hard. Whether it was your choice to end things or not, you wind up sitting in this gross pit of despair.
Maybe you shower. Maybe you don’t. You just sit and stare at things. You stare at blank walls as your mind fills in the empty spaces with every last memory of your ex it can find.
And every quiet of your day is filled with those. Every lull in activity, every long drive. Every minute is encapsulated with the man you’re desperately trying to get over.
Eventually you have to get up, shower, and hopefully, leave your apartment. How many pizza boxes do you have in the trash right now? Yeah. It’s time to get up.
So here it is, the dating part. The funny thing about relationships is that we almost HAVE to rebound. It’s like you need it to survive.
You need someone to take your mind off that guy we’re not mentioning and to give you a compliment. You need compliments and flirting and lots of free drinks. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
So here it is: The 5 guys after your breakup.
GUY #1: This one is BY FAR the HARDEST. Especially if you and your ex were together for a long time. So give yourself a break here, he doesn’t have to be perfect.
The first guy I went out with after my breakup was literally great. He was sweet and funny and it was one of the best dates I’d gone on in a long time. But it was too good. Too much too fast. Too much goodness.
I remember going home and actually crying because it went well. I cried because I liked him and I cried because I felt like I was spitting on the memory of my ex by being happy on a date.
Like I said, the first one is the hardest. But I survived. I knew he wasn’t a guy I wanted to hurt by stringing him along while I had feelings for someone else still lingering, so we kept in touch for a while and I eventually told him how I was feeling and we parted ways.
It was a good lesson. A hard one, but good one.
GUY #2: Lord Jesus I just need some flirting! Someone please flirt with me and snapchat me. That’s all I need in my life.
After a while, you sorta hit this phase of just needing some positive attention. It doesn’t have to be meaningful. It doesn’t have to go anywhere. Sometimes a girl just needs told how ridiculously adorable she is.
You may not ever actually go out with Guy #2, but you can certainly keep him around to talk to. Maybe Guy #2 isn’t just one person. Maybe it’s a string of guys who you enjoy talking to.
Sometimes we all need a little flirtation in our lives! No shame, ladies. NO SHAME!
GUY #3: Eventually you need more than just texting and flirting and this is where Guy #3 comes in. Guy #3 is fun and exciting.
He’s the one you go out with and have make-out sessions in his car and just learn how to have fun again. Going on dates stops being depressing and starts to truly be fun again. Enjoy it.
It doesn’t have to lead to a relationship, and likely won’t, but sometimes you just need some excitement in your life.
GUY #4: After the first 3 guys, you’ve really started to find yourself again. You’ve found the fun in dating and you start to open up again. This is a really good thing and the best way to heal your heart.
Guy #4 is where you start to take dating seriously again. He’s the guy you talk to and compare to your ex and test yourself to see if you’re ready, and you may not be, but you won’t truly know until you’re able to date for more than just flirtation and attention.
For me, Guy #4 is where I realized my feelings for my ex were very much unresolved. I panicked and had to give myself a breather, and more importantly, I had to talk to my ex…
GUY #5: Last but not least, there’s our precious Guy #5. You’ve been on dates with other guys, flirted, had fun, found yourself, tested your feelings, and now you’re here, with this guy who has deeply honest conversations with you at night.
He’s the one you open up to and let yourself be vulnerable. Guy #5 is where I found my willingness to move forward. He’s where I didn’t need to test my heart because I knew I was truly over my ex.
I knew it every time my heart skipped a beat from text messages or the way I would get stupid nervous before seeing him.
Guy #5 was the end of my rebound era, and it felt SO good… My heart no longer needed breathers. I no longer thought about my ex after songs on the radio and I didn’t light up with texts from him.
My feelings stopped strangling me and I could breathe easy for the first time after my breakup, a breakup I don’t even consider anymore. Why would I, when there’s Guy #5?
These phases may not come with exactly “5 guys”, but the phases matter.
First you have to get through the heartbreaking first date and cry out the pain, then you’ve got to give yourself a little attention, talk to people, flirt, enjoy having some attention, then you’ve gotta saddle up and get through some physical stuff; kiss someone, do some PDA, enjoy the feeling of being with someone, even if only temporarily.
Then eventually, you start looking for the serious contenders and test your heart. This could be in a span of 5 months or 5 years.
Everyone heals differently. Just know yourself, know your heart, and don’t be afraid of rebounding. We all need it to survive.
And hey, maybe the next guy is actually THE guy. Maybe you don’t need 5 guys. Just know that it’s OK if you need more time. Take as much as you need.
There’s no science to heartbreaks. Only self-love.
