1. DO stop blaming yourself.
Repeat after me: HIS. CHEATING. WAS. NOT. YOUR. FAULT. The number one mistake you can make when you find out you’ve been cheated on is to ask “What did I do to warrant this” or worse, “How could I have prevented it?” You didn’t cause this. Even if you fought a lot. Even if you gained weight. Even if you’ve been working late this month. Even if you—No. Just stop. If one or both of you are unhappy enough in your relationship to even CONSIDER cheating, then it’s time to have a conversation. And believe me, there’s always enough time to talk before falling into another woman’s vagina.
2. DON’T blame the other woman.
Ever felt guilty about eating an entire gallon of ice cream by yourself in one sitting, and then get mad at the ice cream? Bitch, please. Just like you could have put the spoon down at any time, your man could have pumped the brakes and not slept with this chick. Whether this woman knowingly or unknowingly bedded a taken man, you should never shift the blame off him and onto her, or anyone else for that matter. I’ve heard it all from “The slut was really coming onto him,” or “His friends encouraged it, he didn’t really want to,” to “He had a really bad month at work,” and “His parents had an unhappy marriage.” I don’t care if the Creator himself opens up the sky and writes “Cheat on your GF” in the clouds, your man still has something called ‘free will’ and made the stupid decision to cheat on you all on his own.
3. DO go out of your way to make yourself happy.
So many women forget that being single is an amazing opportunity to practice self-love, and being cheated on can really make you feel like you don’t deserve it. Remind yourself daily that you are a smart, beautiful, independent goddess who needs NO MAN to tell her how to be happy. Get out there and engage in some retail therapy. Book a spa day. Spend a wild girls’ night out with male hookers and booze. Whatever you need to do to achieve inner peace, TREAT YO’SELF. And don’t even for a second feel bad about backing out of plans, spending a little too much on that handbag, playing hooky form work to get a facial, or even seeing a therapist if it’s what you need to feel better.
4. DON’T give him the benefit of the doubt.
I know what you’re thinking. He was so nice, so sweet, so caring and kind. He even bought you flowers the day your dog died. But I’ve got news: There is no number of long-stemmed roses that can disguise the fact that he slept with someone else. “But it was only the one time,” you’re saying to yourself, “He said it would never happen again.” Stop. Think about how much it hurts right now. Do you really want to be back here in a month because one time turned into two? Three? Seventeen? Do yourself a huge favor, stop letting him off the hook, and hold him accountable to the consequences of messing around on you, the Queen.
5. DO put yourself out there and see other people.
How soon is too soon? Who cares, make your own rules. You don’t owe it to anyone, especially him, to set some arbitrary timeline for when you’re allowed to date again. You are a Disney fucking princess who deserves a good, honest man to treat her right, so girl, go find your prince charming. Knowing there are hot, funny, honest guys out there just dying to take you out to dinner is a healthy reminder that you don’t need your cheating ex, and you can 100% find happiness without him.
And whatever you do….
6. DON’T give him another chance.
Maybe you actually held your ground and broke up with your scumbag ex. GREAT! But now it’s a month later and you’re feeling lonely AF, crying into a greasy bag of Taco Bell at 2am looking at Instagram pictures from when you two were happy. Honey, put down the phone (and the crunch wrap) and pull yourself together. No matter how lonely you are, you do not need to bring him and all that negativity back into your life. The cheating never goes away. Even if you got back together, even if he never cheated on you again (which is statistically unlikely), his cheating days will always feel like the third wheel. And you should know by now that in a relationship, three isn’t company—it’s complete crap.