This letter is to my father, whomever he may be, where ever he is. This letter is also for anyone who grew up without a father and are struggling with the fact apart of you may feel missing at times. You never understand how important it is to know who you are and where you come from until you get older and become a parent yourself.
To whom this may concern,
Hello, where ever you are out there I’m here. You see sometime around the year 1989 you left a piece of yourself behind in West Palm Beach Florida. I’m not sure if you live there still. Secretly I still wish and hope that you do so one day maybe I might be able to find you. When I was younger I always wondered what you looked like.
I think that’s a normal thing for any kid to do. Other kids would always ask me “Hey where is your dad?” I remember the shame I would feel by my response “I don’t know who he is.” Then I would quickly change the subject. My mother seemed to walk around like you were a secret I couldn’t know about. But, then later I learned she didn’t really know you either.
To whom this may concern you have my dear father missed a lot of important things in my life. I graduated high school and you weren’t there, I went to college and you weren’t there. I got married and there was no aisle to walk me down. I had children and they will only know one set of grandparent’s. My mother died and there was no other parent there to pick me up and say the words “I’ve got you still.”
I feel as if I have a lot of holes in my identity as a person because I don’t know you. I believe that is a normal struggle people have. A father figure will never be the same as the person who made you who you are.
To whom this may concern, I struggle with the fact that you are my dad, sometimes late at night I’m angry with you. I don’t know if it’s ignorance that you weren’t around because you don’t know I exist. I don’t know if you chose not to be around voluntarily and if so why? Why would you leave a piece of you and not care to see how it was doing?
I struggle with the fact that I know what a good father is now and I don’t know if you could have been one or not. If only you would have known. Time is a funny thing because even if I do find you I’m not sure I could ever really trust you as my father. I’ve looked after myself for so long it’s hard to go back to being a little girl that needs someone.
I think I may have outgrown having a traditional father, I wear the scars of that with me every day. However, there is still a part of me that wishes to know your story and hear what you have to say. Maybe you are a mess and its better I never know who you are. Perhaps you have got your life together and I’ve got siblings I’ve never met.
You were always a mystery to me. You are like the wind one day you were here and left your imprint on the world and then you left. I don't know if I find you my soul will ever have the feeling of completeness it deserves. Can a little girl learn to trust someone that was never there? Can a father learn to love some one that he never knew?
oxoxox (To whom this may concern.) The father that's like the wind.
