What happens when the two most important people in your life can't get along? Try to talk to one about the other and they either tune you out or disagree with you. To the point that you can't talk to either one of them. Because neither one of them hears what you are saying. It's hell on earth. Both of them are permanent fixtures in your life and you don't want to lose either one of them. But you can't think, can't vent, can't breathe the others name without something setting one of them off. So how do you deal?
1. Stand up for yourself. Sometimes that can be really hard, especially when you love them both so much. Don't let him walk all over your friendship, but don't let her walk all over your relationship either.
2. Stand up for your relationship/friendship. Don't let them talk bad about the other in front of you. That just ruins your view of both of them. When she starts bad mouthing him, you look at him through the words she is saying but not how you feel for him. And eventually, all you see when you look at her, is someone who does nothing but talks bad about whoever your with. And when he has nothing but negative things to say about her, you will start questioning your friendship.
3. Don't just tell them the bad stuff. Everyone has problems. Everyone argues. But if all they are hearing about each other is the bad stuff, the fighting, the arguing, that's all they are going to see. If he does something sweet out of nowhere, tell her about it. If you and her laugh like idiots over the smallest thing, tell him. Let him in on the inside joke.
4. Be yourself. No matter what. Doesn't matter who you are spending time with. Him. Her. Both of them. Don't let one see a version of you that the other one wouldn't. If they both can't accept you for who you are, then they don't need to be in your life.
5. Spend time with both of them… Chances are, if you're in a new relationship, you are spending more time with the boyfriend than the best friend. When you do that, it causes problems and makes her resent your boyfriend because he's monopolizing you. But if you are spending more time with her, he will wonder if you are dating him, or your best friend.
6. …together and apart. Spend time with her one on one. Have some girl time. The same with him. Go on dates or lay on the couch and watch movies. But also hang out together. All three of you. This way she will get to know him too. This will also show her how he treats you in front of others, and will hopefully reassure her that he's a good guy. Also, he won't be on the outside of inside jokes this way. You will all three have jokes together and can laugh together.
7. Make sure they both know that they have a place in your life. Remind them that you love them both. And that there will always be a place for them in your life. No matter where life takes you. No matter what happens. Let her know that you will always be there, whether its three in the morning crisis mode, or three in the afternoon to talk about the cute guy in front of her at Starbucks. Just because there is a new guy in the picture, doesn't mean you love her any less. And make sure he understands, that through thick and thin, you guys have each other's backs. But you will always have his the same way.
