I can remember the start of your addiction like it was yesterday.
Just a pain pill here and there when you needed it. You thought it was no big deal but to me it was terrifying.
You had grown up watching your mother slowly get worse and worse with her own pill addiction. She had gone so downhill that she was labeled 'beyond repair.'
I worried every day that you would go down that same path. And unfortunately I was right.
I let you take your pill a day to avoid more pointless fights between us.
I even got so used to you taking them that it just seemed like a normal part of life.
Then you got a nice job and all I could think was "Okay he will get better now, I just know it." But with that nice job came an incredible raise. All of a sudden your one pill a day turned into ten.
You were angry constantly. I felt scared to speak or even breathe around you. I was always walking on eggshells, never knowing what was coming next.
On your good days I would try and talk you into getting help. But you refused because you "had it under control."
You would wake up in a rage screaming at me about random things, throwing things, punching holes in walls and slamming doors. I would cower in the corner crying as quietly as possible while I waited for the drugs to kick in so you would be nice to me again.
I never knew who you were going to be each day. I was constantly in fight or flight mode.
All I could do was cry.
I tried so hard and threatened to leave so many times. You didn't care.
So one day I mustered up all the courage I could, and I asked you, point blank, me or the drugs?
Your hesitation said all I needed to hear. So I walked away.
Because your love for drugs had grown into so much more than what you could ever feel for me.
So now you go around telling everyone you don't know why I left you, you're heartbroken, with no closure.
Well I want the truth known.
I left you because I couldn't stand to see you hurting yourself anymore. Because you never made me an important part of your life. Because you chose drugs over my heart, my support, my love.
Our love could never compare to that high.
And since leaving I have realized something:
I was strong. I have no regrets, but I'm sure you do.