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The Road to Failed Relationships is Paved with Unmet Expectations

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When you think of the reasons relationships end what do you think of? Money?  Arguments? Infidelity? 

These are all good answers but the one underlying reason is simple: unmet expectations.

Unmet expectations are the expectations we have of our partner, typically unexpressed, that when left unmet leave us angry, sad, and sometimes feeling alone and in turn slowly destroy our relationships. 

How often do you think I've had a long day and I wish my boyfriend would take care of dinner tonight?  I'll be honest and say at least once every other week this goes through my head. But do I ask him to take care of dinner?  No. 

Then I  get upset that he doesn’t help me enough or I say nothing and spend my night stressed out and agitated without ever telling him partner why I’m upset. And Inevitably I  take my frustration out on him. 

Why don’t we just ask our husbands, boyfriends, or partners to just help out the way we need them to? Are we not worthy of help? Do we feel like they shouldn’t have to help? Or maybe you think well he’s had a long day too, he may need to relax.

I am VERY guilty of that last one. I don’t ask for help because I know my partner has had a long day too. He works hard everyday in the heat and the cold and I have an office job. My day is a lot “easier” than his so I should just suck it up and do whatever it is that needs done. 

Wrong.

It IS okay to ask for help. It IS okay to express to your partner the things you need. Maybe he doesn’t feel up to it every day but if he at least knows what it takes to help you out he’s more likely to do it. 

My boyfriend is truly amazing and will typically help me out with anything if I need it, but he has to know what I need. No, he doesn’t do EVERYTHING I ask him to do, but even a little help goes a long way. And we are SO MUCH HAPPIER.

Save yourself the frustration. Save yourself the nights where you’re mad at him for not “helping enough” or “not paying enough attention to what you want or need.”

Talk to him! Tell him your expectations and work to find a balance. 

Men love to solve problems. It’s what they do. So, let him solve yours now and then. But the kicker here, he has to KNOW what it is. He is not a mind reader. 

Stop going to bed mad over things he knows nothing about. Stop holding grudges. Stop keeping score of how many times he doesn’t live up to your expectations. 

Save your relationship. Tell him you love him. Show him you care. And tell him what you need from him so he can show you love the way you need to be shown it.  


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