You know that feeling when you want something so bad but don’t understand why you want it?
When someone abandons you, especially family, it’s going to hurt. There’s no right way to deal with rejection from a family member. In particular, a father.
In today’s world, we see too many fathers that aren’t involved in their children’s lives. Why is that? How can you just turn your back on something you created?
As we grow up, we will have many exciting moments and many sad or difficult moments. Either way, he should be right there with you.
I catch myself thinking about how different things would be if you were in my life and how you would feel about certain things I am doing right, or wrong. I would love to have your opinion when it comes to life’s many decisions. But I don’t.
Instead, you chose to turn your back on your children when they needed you the most. How selfish can one possibly be? You’re already tearing a family apart, and then you decide to leave your children in their most fragile state. How can you live everyday knowing that your children are without a father because of a decision you made?
The worst part of it all, is the fact that I still want you to be around. Why? Why would I want you to be involved in my life after walking out? Why would you deserve to re-enter my life and take part in my accomplishments when you have missed out on so many exciting and memorable times in my life?
I can’t answer that. I guess there’s just a part of me that is constantly fighting for that chance you might realize what you’re missing out on and try to salvage any remaining hope for a relationship.
As my wedding approaches, I think of that huge part of my wedding that I won’t have. I won’t have my father walking me down the aisle to give me to my future husband. I won’t have that touching moment during the father-daughter dance that so many people look forward to.
Although I have so many great memories with you, they have now been overshadowed by all the sadness and anger you have left me with. I can’t begin to describe the rejection I have felt the past few years and unfortunately its become a normal.
I’ve learned to keep a wall up when it comes to the men in my life and I have you to thank for that.
I have learned that it’s extremely difficult to trust someone 100% because of that chance they could walk away. If my father walked away, what would make you any different?
And instead of looking for a significant other like my “father”, I have made it a goal to find someone who is nothing like you, in hopes for a brighter future for me and my future children.
I know I will unfortunately always want you to come back into my life and try, but I know I won’t be holding my breath.
