Tossing and turning, unable to sleep, I roll over to the blaring red numbers shining from my alarm clock. It reads 2 AM. The time when all my demons come out to play and torment my mind.
In the darkest corners, shapes take form and replay all of my worst memories. My fears, doubts, and pain seep from the edges of my mind and create chaos from which there is no escape. It's starts off slow, like a low whisper, like a mist creeping over the grass at dawn. Everything that I work so hard to hide comes out, the emotions, the memories…
It's unbearable.
During the day it's easy to hide behind the face I show the rest of the world, to laugh and pretend to be happy. And I am happy for the most part, or I at least try to make myself happy. I throw myself into my work, and friends.
I can convince myself that I am fine, that I am normal. I know that can never be true, because when 2 AM rolls around, I know the facade that I put up comes crumbling down so easily by no one else's doing but my own.
Nights are when these scenes, the trauma, the chaos take over.
No matter how tired I make my body my mind never stops. Sleeping is a slight reprieve, at least when I dream I can change the outcome and make it better.
The brutal truth is if things had been different I wouldn't be me, the person I am I owe to the pain and struggle. That's the irony and the taunt of the situation, the thing that I hate the most and what kills me little by little each day.
But it's also what drives me to be stronger and better, to do better. Each night my demons come out to play and each night I'm more prepared to battle them then I was the night before. I'll keep getting stronger until I sleep right through their threats to tear me down.