You lay down to get some sleep after a long day, and as soon as your head hits the pillow you hear voices. First, one whispers in the dark, “You’re all alone” and then another follows it, reassuring you, at least, that you have your demons.
Then another chorus of voices join in, and another, and all are whispering, but it’s so loud they might as well be screaming because they are all you can hear. Not one of them is saying anything nice.
All you want to do is break down and cry, but you’re too tired even for that sometimes, so you just lie awake, stay still, and try to keep your breathing as normal as possible.
If you’ve ever felt like this, it’s not because you’re crazy. You aren’t weird. You are not alone, and you are not hopeless. This is an all-too-familiar situation, so easy for me to describe in my head and so difficult to put into words and admit.
You will not give up, my friend, because life can be really fantastic when you keep on fighting for it, even if some battles seem like lost causes. Those voices that keep you up at night…well, they’re actually liars. Those thoughts are not from God, but of the devil, and you are worth way more than the lies the tell you.
Sometimes, the one voice we need to be hearing becomes just a whisper so soft we might not even notice it is there. To say this is overwhelming would be a significant understatement.
I know. I’ve been there, and I wanted to give up, but the fight isn't over yet. Believe it or not, one day you're going to wake up with a huge smile on your face and laugh all day because it just feels so silly you spent all that time wanting to quit on life when a day like today was coming.
Last week, I got to go to a beautiful place called Cedarville, Michigan. I was blessed enough to be able to spend some time growing closer to God.
During a small group Bible study on John:10, it occurred to me I had read that passage several times before and somehow managed to sidestep the message each time, because I forgot I can apply the Bible to my own life.
John:10 talks a lot about voices (If you don't know what I'm talking about, give it a quick read). We all listen to a lot of voices. However, only one voice needs to be heard above the rest, and it is not any of the voices putting us down as we try to sleep.
It is the voice saying, "You are good enough. You are loved. You will be just fine. You just need to get some sleep and everything is going to work out." Any voice offering anything other than peace and joy is a lie, and it will pass. It does not truly hold any power over you.
Now, friend, I am not telling you it's going to be easy. You might experience that happy, anxiety-free day and think it's all over, only to be kept awake all night by images in your head and both rational and irrational fears.
You might wake up two days later and wonder where that peace went, and whether it was even there at all. Those voices got so bad they started telling me the best thing I could do for this world was to kill myself.
Not all that long ago, I sat on a window ledge a few stories up, wondering if dropping from that height would really be enough to kill a person, and wouldn't have even been hesitant to do it, were it not for the support I found from other people, and the desire to help somebody like you, because you're life is incredibly valuable to me, and even more valuable to the God who made you.
I know you are passionate about something, love someone, and want to be alive for something. Otherwise, you wouldn't have made it to the end of this article. If you're still looking for answers, you are not ready to give up. If there is a doubt in your mind, it's not going to be worth giving up.
Even if there isn't a doubt in your mind, there's a doubt in someone else's. You've made it too far to give up now. I love you.