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Things I Want My Toxic Ex To Know

  1. I cannot love correctly 

  2. I cannot express myself 

  3. I cannot function with a good man loving me

  4. I cannot go a second without expecting a fight

  5. I cannot go a day without expecting a text saying that he’s “out with friends”

  6. I cannot stop being scared

  7. I cannot appreciate the good man I have because I am terrified 

  8. You taught me how to love incorrectly 

  9. You taught me not to express myself

  10. You taught me how to not function with a good man loving me

  11. You taught me to expect a fight

  12. You taught me to expect a bail on every plan

  13. You taught me to be scared

  14. You taught me to be terrified of appreciating the good man I have 

And I don't wish that I had never met you, because the only reason I know what a good man looks like is because you showed me what a bad one looked like. I'm not saying this to bash you I am simply saying that you were neither a man nor good, although I hope you grow up to be a good man. I hope you learn how to reverse all of these things. I hope you never hurt someone like you did me. Because I would not wish any of the things I'm having to relearn on any other girl, it is not fair to me nor is it fair to him. I can only feel lucky to have someone who’s willing to learn alongside me, someone who has stepped up to help me learn. You messed me up and he’s loving me. You put me in a rut and he’s supporting me. You taught me, but he’s teaching me better. 

I loved you. 

I am in love with him.