My husband and I got married one month and two days ago! (Not that I’m counting or anything.) Now, during the year of wedding planning my, then fiancé, was moved by his company to Phoenix, Arizona and I stayed in Las Vegas, Nevada to continue working, saving, and planning. We made an unpopular choice, we didn’t live together until AFTER the wedding. So, not only did we do the damn thing, we moved in together, to a new state, into a very small space. In that month and two days that have undoubtedly made me an expert on marriage, (haha!) I’ve learned SO MUCH! I’ve learned about myself, sharing, teamwork, and a lot more. Here’s some of the things I learned in my first month as a wife:
A one bedroom apartment is SMALL – and it’s hard to share your space
Thankfully, I got the fear of farting out of the way very early on in our relationship because I have nowhere to hide. All jokes aside I’ve never lived with anyone other than my family so this was a large adjustment for me. Not only do we both have way too many THINGS (that don’t necessarily match the other persons things) we also both have a lot of habits, opinions, and a way we like our space to look, feel, and even smell. This brings me to the next hard lesson I’ve learned this month:
Compromise is HARD – learning to not be selfish is harder
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my husband, I love sharing my space with him, I love cooking for him and I love making sure he comes home to a home he feels comfortable in. I’m not working right now so in order to not go stir crazy, and because I know he works his ass off outside all day, I’ve chosen to make the housework my job. I HATE cleaning but I love having a clean space. I know for a fact if I was working outside in Arizona’s insane heat all day I wouldn’t want to come home and have to clean the entire house.
But it goes farther than that…what if he really doesn’t love Haunted Houses but we live 2 minutes from one and I REALLY want to go? My immediate reaction is to throw a fit when he very nicely says “babe I really don’t want to go to that tonight, is that okay?” but instead I say yes that’s fine….even though its not fine. Then I get sassy about it later. In short, marriage has taught me I am VERY selfish. In other news, maybe I should get better at communicating my feelings. Lessons to be learned EVERYWHERE!
I have a lot to work on
From being selfish, to not being good at communicating emotions and everything in between. I’ve seen myself in an entirely new spotlight. Without any promting from him, I’ve seen some sides of myself and some habits I’ve built that I wasn’t aware of.
My last name is not my last name anymore
My entire life I’ve had the same name. 23 years of signing my same signature (much less than that, who am I kidding? I didn’t even learn cursive until 3rd grade).
I feel like I’m lying when I tell someone my last name and I have caught myself many times signing the wrong name. It’s kind of like that first time you hand your ID to the bartender after you turn 21 and there is that rush of excitement but also fear, like you’re doing something wrong. Saying “husband” is even stranger. I half expect people to ask me if I’m even old enough to have a husband. (News flash self: you may only be 23, but you haven’t been carded for alcohol in a LONG time – you look old). Now my signature is all wonky and I can’t get used to saying “husband”, but the first time I was able to say it and even better, the first time he called me his wife in public, gave me butterflies.
I never believed in the “honeymoon phase”
It’s real. And it lasts much longer than a month err… two days longer, at least. I’ll let you know. There is still an overwhelming excitement about calling him my “husband”. It’s so overwhelming and wonderful. I definitely was a naysayer and believed that the excitement died down pretty early on. But now that i’m in it I see that theres SO much to be excited for still: Our first Christmas, My first christmas setting up decorations IN MY OWN HOME[!!!], our year anniversary, our first baby, our first family vacation, our 10 year anniversary, getting old and wrinkly with someone I love. SO MUCH EXCITMENT. How could this die down? We’ve literally got our entire lives to be excited about, where will this life take us?
There is the post-wedding blues
That day was so fun, but it was also so fast. It was over as soon as it started. As much as I hated planning, I loved planning and i’m now sad I’m not planning (but now i’m blogging, is this #wifelife?).
People you don’t even know will say “How long have you two been married?” and then immideately follow that with “GREAT WHEN ARE YOU HAVING KIDS?”
Literally day of the wedding during my dance with my stepdad he was already harping on me about giving him grand babies. Strangers, people I’ve known for years, people I barely know, everyone is asking about babies. We have a cat. We’re set for now. There’s a period of time when we definitely need to see how one another handle real-life real-hard decisions and situations BEFORE we start having kids. Let us take time to get to know eachother first.
Suddenly I’m not the family baby anymore.
We had advice cards at our wedding, we wanted advice from people who have been married. My family has always been pretty quiet with me about sex. Like, yes it happens but I thought they just didn’t discuss it. In the last year I’ve started to hear more jokes about sex with the adults in the family. In fact, on my grandma’s advice card she wanted us to know make-up sex is a great stress reliever.[!!!].
Aside from being keen to the grown up sex-talk now. I’ve already noticed the married women in my family treating me differently. From really small things like helping me figure out a recipe, to making me feel like an actual adult who they all respect. (Not to say they didn’t before, I just feel it now).
It’s no magic change
Other than the shift in how my family dynamic feels. It’s kind of like when you turn 10 and everyone swarms you asking “HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE IN THE DOUBLE DIGITS NOW?”. Like, literally no different. Yes, obviously there’s a TON of excitement, and gushy lovey feels but I don’t feel any different.
Nothing is more worth it
I am now a part of a team. No hard thing that comes my way will ever have to be faced ALONE. Because now I have this man who is by my side, who fights for me. (and with me sometimes) From me complaining about doing the dishes and him helping, to my Papa needing prayer and him helping me find the words. He is with me and for me, and I for him. There is no greater feeling in the world. I have a permanent stranger things watching partner, forever.